Real World
I Hate Them All Already

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Sep: D | Grade It Now!
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I Hate Them All Already

Rachel and Judd are the first ones at the house. Rachel calls it "cute." I want to strangle her because I know how much a place like that goes for and for those undeserving cretins to live there rent-free in a city with a less than one percent vacancy rate just kills me. Driving to work this morning on the radio I heard that the Real World house recently sustained $2 million worth of fire damage. See! Don't provoke me, people! Watch out for the next installment of Sep 2: The Rage. Anyway. Rachel thinks that since they're the first ones there this means they can pick rooms. They walk into the only single in the place and, of course, Rachel wants it. Judd tells her to unpack, which is all the encouragement Rachel needs. Later, in a confessional, Judd criticizes Rachel, suggesting that hers was not the best first impression to make. Dude, you told her to do it! Granted you didn't hold a gun to her head, but at least realize that you enabled her.

So Judd and Rachel are in the kitchen when Pam, the next roommate, arrives. Pam is wearing a fugly white rayon peasant blouse with a brocade lace-up vest and jeans. I'll forgive her for her clothes because she's a med student and ostensibly working to better humanity. However, I can't forgive Rachel for approving of Pam's outfit. In a confessional Pam tells us that she's an over-achiever and that she has "not failed at anything." Anything with the exception of simple point-and-click cameras, because the next shot shows her accidentally taking a Polaroid of her face at point-blank range. Heh. The producers love it when you give them that much rope to hang you with.

Now we get to meet Mohammed who is macking with a cute girl outside somewhere. He comes to the house and meets everyone. Dudd...I mean "Judd"...no, I do mean "Dudd" is playing pool with Mohammed, who is faced with a tough shot. Dudd asks him what he does and Mohammed, concentrating on the pool table, says, "I have no idea but I'm going to figure this one out." But Dudd was talking about life, not pool. Everyone laughs about the confusion and we learn that Mohammed is a musician in a local band.

We're back with Cory and Pedro in the cab. We get a whole slew of shots of Lombard Street with a bunch of blissed-out tourists driving down it like they're on the freakin' Autopia at Disneyland. Cory is holding onto Pedro even though the cab is probably going no more than seven miles per hour. Pedro tells us that Lombard is the "crookyest" street in America. On behalf of San Franciscans I'd just like to say that it's only "crooky" for ONE BLOCK. I completely do not understand the attraction. It's a street. It's crooked for a block. It's not even like it's some freak accident of nature. People built it that way -- probably for the incredibly banal reason that it was impossible for horses to pull a wagon straight down. Get over it and go see something worthwhile. Anyway. Pedro says that it's "interesting" that they live on Lombard because he doesn't want anything "straight" in his life. Too bad. You're stuck with Rachel for the next few months. Cory and Pedro arrive and Cory pulls Pedro indoors. We see all of their gleeful reactions to the house and Cory is jumping up and down like the cocker spaniel that she is. Seriously, she's just like my mom's dog. I keep waiting for Pedro to trip over her. Pedro and Cory find their way into the billiard room and after the six of them are all introduced Cory says, "Oh, we're missing someone still." Thank you, Captain Obvious.

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Real World

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