Suddenly, we're at REI. There are a bunch of filler shots of the aisles of the store, because in return for the free trip, B/M agreed to show the merchandise. The roommates meet up with Rusty, their travel guide, who tells them to go around the store and pick things off their list, to the strains of some big-band song. So not only did they get all that free K2 stuff, but now they get all this free REI stuff and this free trip? Man, they have got to be the luckiest cast. Janet says that none of them are prepared, so REI is giving them all this crap. Then she jokes that she wears "six-inch boots [sic] to climb the hills of Seattle. [She's] obviously not a big shopper of REI." The roommates walk out, each carrying two or three shopping bags full of free stuff. Bastards.
The roommates now must go to the hospital to get their shots. They couldn't just go to a doctor? Oh, but then Lindsay wouldn't get to say the following in an interview: "I don't like hospitals. I don't like shots. I don't like cancer wards. I don't like pain." Yeah, because the rest of us love the fucking cancer ward. I go to parties there all the time. Lindsay finds out they have to get seven shots and starts crying, like get thee to a therapist already! And then she walks out of the elevator and there's a sign that says "Cancer Care" which causes her to become more upset, and Janet has to console her, and I am having no sympathy whatsoever. I am sorry that the whole thing upset her, but enough! We get it! Your dad died of cancer, and thus hospitals make you nervous. I think hospitals make most people nervous. But you know what we do? We fucking deal with it!
A doctor examines Janet, and he asks her if anyone has gotten on her case about stopping smoking. She says that she has "a awful [sic] oral fixation" and she's "afraid of gaining weight." Oh my God. Can we kill the myth right now that smoking keeps you from gaining weight? It totally does not. I think I am living proof of that. I smoke, and it never stopped me from gaining weight. Just admit that you are weak and addicted to nicotine, but don't give me that "oral fixation" crap. Buy some lollipops. The doctor tells her that if she stops now, she probably won't have any permanent damage. I know he means well, but when authority figures tell me to stop smoking, it makes me want to smoke more. It makes me want to smoke three cigarettes at a time and blow the smoke right in their faces. And then I'll die of lung cancer, and have to be in the (shut your ears, Lindsay) cancer ward, where I hear they throw excellent parties. But at least I don't use the lame-ass weight-gain excuse. In an interview, Janet says that she thinks smoking is "unattractive" because "it stinks, and halitosis, and yellow teeth, and wrinkles." Well, she's right with that one. If you don't smoke, and you're reading this, take it from me. Don't start. It's not cool. It's really hard to stop. I've tried. Someday I will stop. But it would all be a lot easier if I had never started. Okay, PSA over. ["But Kim, you look so cool when you smoke! You blow the smoke over your shoulder like Carrie Bradshaw!" -- Wing Chun]