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I Smell Bacon

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I Smell Bacon

Jamie kicks it promo-style and says, "Robin is missing. Brad's in jail. What else could go wrong?" Randy is standing there eating; he tried to make his own "Free Brad" sign like Jacquese, but apparently he was too drunk to form actual letters, so he just has a big scribble on his paper. Dude, that's hilarious.

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week may have been Randy's scribble taped to his chest, but that doesn't really count. I also rewatched one of the classic Lifetime movies, called Death Of A Cheerleader. (It's also been aired under the title A Friend To Die For.) Anyway, Becca Thatcher plays a goody two-shoes who transfers from Catholic school to public school and has trouble fitting in. She idolizes the popular girls, and the most popular of them all is Tori Spelling, of course. So Becca decides to become popular by doing activities. She joins the Larks, which is a service organization for the popular girls. She hopes to become yearbook editor, but she doesn't get it, even though she's the best writer in the sophomore class. She hopes to become a cheerleader, even though she's not very athletic. Through it all, she wants to become best friends with Tori Spelling, even though Tori is a huge bitch. When Becca gets cut from the cheerleaders, she has a nervous breakdown, which she portrays by widening her eyes and playing with her hair more than usual. Becca's sister tries to console her while they are driving in the car, and her sister is totally eating a cucumber with a knife while driving, and she offers some to Becca by poking the knife into Becca's face, like, first of all, who eats a cucumber plain, and second of all, who slices a cucumber while driving, and third of all, her sister then totally leaves the knife in the car, like what if someone sits on it or something? So then Becca gets the idea to take Tori to a party that she heard about. So Becca tells her parents that she's babysitting and somehow convinces her mom (Valerie Harper) to drive her over and then leave the car, even though Becca doesn't have a license, so that it will look like someone's home while she's babysitting. So Valerie Harper has to walk home in these unsafe conditions. So then Becca drives over to Tori's house, but Tori thinks the whole thing is horseshit and wants to stop and smoke a joint, except she calls it "grass" which was unintentionally hilarious. So then Tori decides to bail on the whole thing, and goes to a nearby house and asks for a ride home, and the dad gives her one, and Becca follows, and before Tori gets into her house, Becca runs up and stabs her, like, twenty times, and then runs away. And the guy giving the ride sort of saw what happened and didn't even stop and help Tori, or chase after Becca, which was weird. So then the cops are trying to figure out who did it, and they don't know, and Becca's alibi is that she was babysitting, which the cops never even bother to check out, even though Becca fits the killer's description and drives the car that was seen leaving the murder scene. So then it's, like, ten months later and Becca feels guilty and ends up confessing and going to trial, and the trial part is really long, for no reason, because whether she's guilty of first or second degree, the punishment is the same since she's a minor. And there's this whole ridiculous trial with no jury or anything and then the judge lectures the community on being more tolerant of poor people and then Becca goes to juvenile detention. And it was awesome.

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