Real World
I Will Be Your Preacher, Teacher

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I Will Be Your Preacher, Teacher

Church. Many the "Property of MTV" camera inside of said church. First off, this is a pathetic sacrilege. Second, we get it. He's religious. We, um, get it. Elka voice-overs, "I think that my dad's a little worried and nervous and maybe even sad that I'm kind of growing up. My mother is gone, and I'm gone now. And I think it's hard for him to deal with that." Wait, why are they in church? Oh, no, I forgot that I get it. Thanks.

Next morning. Elka hugs Captain Catholicism and they part. Aqua sweater redux. Cut to her on the phone with Walter the Poster Boy For...well, Posters. She tells him that the visit was relatively uneventful (except for the "relatively" part), but that Dad was fretting about Walter's visit to Boston. Apparently there had been an off-camera argument, even less riveting than the footage we watched, about the Captain's discomfort with Walter and Elka sharing a bed when UK Walter comes to visit.

Upstairs, Elka continues to fret about the "control" Captain Catholicism has over her to Montana (oh, hi), Genesis, and Kameelah, grousing, "I don't know one dad that's been, like, really keen on listening to his daughter talk about her relationship with her boyfriend." Well, Julie's dad, maybe. But he likes hearing about it for a completely different set of reasons not protected under any number of federal laws, I'm guessing. Kameelah doesn't understand the correlation between Walter's visit and Elka's father, and when Elka explains again (listen up, Kameelah) that the Captain doesn't want his daughter and her poster sleeping in a bed together, Montana proposes that Walter sleep on the fold-out couch, which Elka thinks is crazy. Kameelah makes it All About Her in beginning her made-for-TV retort, "No disrespect to your father, but I've never had a father, so I really don't care," before telling her that she needs to make up her own damn mind. "Sleep to Dream" wails. Kick it, Fiona. Shut up, everyone else.

Kameelah the Judge, Jury and Executioner stares down Doug the Judged, Juried and Executed on a couch in Ambiguous Couch Room #583 of the firehouse. "You're gonna do what you're gonna do," she tells him. "You had a life in Boston before I even got here." She continues on that she can't abide by his total shadiness, and he tells her that he has been faithful even though he realizes that when she leaves Boston the relationship is over. She confessionalizes that "he doesn't mean to be shady on purpose," which is clearly enough of a make-up rationalization, seeing as the funk-soul soundtrack kicks up as Sean impedes grossly on other people's sexual prospects for a change and tells us, "Kameelah said they were going to hang out in the bedroom for a while and just chit-chat." Sean, dude, newsflash: Kameelah would never say "chit-chat." Ever. Cut to a shot of Kameelah and Doug disappearing behind the curtain and into her bedroom, and Sean pushes it officially too far in telling us, "After about ten minutes, some strange sounds started coming from the bedroom." Elka and Sean sit in the living room and exchange furtive none-of-our-business glances. This may be because it is none of their business.

More at the CCC. Hard-edged guitar music wails because that's the sure-fire way to make a children's recreation center wild enough for MTV. Except, not. Elka, wearing a black-knit cap and a giant baggy t-shirt reading "flunky" in spray-painted iron-on letters (what of your precious aqua sweater now, Mushmouth?), shares with most of the housemates, "Well, I know that they did have sex the other night." Cut to Elka and Kameelah in a back room of the CCC, Kameelah raising her voice, "Whatever, Elka, but you don't know what happened. We did not have sexual intercourse." Elka blames Sean for starting the rumors, and we cut to Kameelah walking away from Sean and yelling, "I'm not talking about it here, Sean."

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