Real World
If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

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Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

In an interview, CJP says that she and Matt will be performing at Local Grind, the coffee shop across the street that is "sort of like [their] Central Perk." If I ever compare something in my life to something on Friends, just kill me. I love the show; don't get me wrong. But that's just embarrassing. CJP says that all six of her roommates are going to attend. On penalty of death! CJP asks Theo if he wants to go out to dinner afterward with all of the roommates, in the same place where they had their first dinner together. Theo agrees. In an interview, Theo says that they all know about CJP's gig, and that they should all go. The camera zooms in on a note taped to the fish tank with the details on the show. Oddly, it says that there will be a guest appearance by Theo, but maybe that was a joke or something. Tonya reads the note. In an interview, Kyle says it was very clear that CJP wanted them all to attend, especially since it was their last night together.

Tonya and Chris get in the van and head to the gym. Meanwhile, CJP is getting ready for her show. Tonya says that she doesn't feel bad at all about going to work out and skipping CJP's show. Chris says he's going to call, and asks Tonya to dial the car phone. CJP arrives at Local Grind. Chris leaves a message for CJP saying that he and Tonya are headed to the gym, and they will try to make it to the show, but if not, they will see her afterward. He wishes her luck and hangs up. In an interview, Tonya is sporting that same creepy mullet hairstyle as she says that CJP never talked to her about going, and that CJP has "all the support in the world." Tonya concludes, "What more could you ask for?" She's really creeping me out in this interview because she has no expression on her face or inflection in her voice. And given how much Tonya has talked about how she has no support (except for Justin) (and Darren), I think she might be jealous that CJP is getting so much attention. I don't understand the whole "We have to do everything together" vibe, but I do think that going to the gym is a shitty excuse. Then again, I don't go to the gym. Stuck in traffic? Sure. Had to grab something to eat and there was a long line? Okay. I mean, at least make up a decent excuse.

At Local Grind, CJP steps up to the mike and dedicates a song to her roommates. Kyle, Aneesa, Theo, and Keri sit in the audience. SGB starts singing and he is awful. Just nasal and terrible and his lyrics are horrendous. In an interview, Theo says that he's pissed at Chris and Tonya for not being around for that special moment, when CJP dedicated a song to them. Oh, for crying out loud. It's not like she's getting married and they blew off the wedding. We see shots of Chris and Tonya at the gym. The roommates listen to CJP's shitty song that is not only annoying and whiny and folky, but also grammatically incorrect. Kyle looks down like he's about to cry, which I personally think would be hilarious. I'm surprised he didn't turn away and rub some onion on his hands so he could squeeze out that one perfect tear which would slide down his cheek and glisten in the light. And then he could give a stoic sniff and rub his eyes. Oh, except his eyeliner might run. Aneesa really is crying, but she's probably drunk. In an interview, Aneesa says that they are all together on their last night, except for two of them who are "getting some good cardio." That would be a funny line except that they're lifting weights, not doing cardio. But A for effort. In an interview, CJP says that it's more about Tonya and Chris missing their last night together than them hearing her sing, because they've heard her sing. I'm sure they have. Maybe that's why they chose not to attend. Did you ever think of that?

Can I just add that the Real World Vancouver movie is the dumbest idea I've ever heard? Who at BMP was like, "I know! We'll do a self-parody!" Like the last eight seasons or so haven't been self-parody enough. Wow, what a great idea! In 1995. Hey, I've got a brilliant idea! What if they had to vote someone out of the house each week? And then they could say, "The house has spoken." That's fresh and exciting.

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