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If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

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If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

Now it's time for Chris and Theo to leave. All right! We get to knock off two at once! Kisses and hugs are exchanged. Kyle says that he's proud of his friendship with Chris. See, Nicole! He can be tolerant of the gays, too! But he's not gay, and he never had any flirtatious or romantic times with Chris. Aneesa sobs as she hugs Theo. In an interview, Aneesa says that Theo was somewhat immature at first, but now she loves him to death. In an interview, Theo says that if Aneesa ever needs anything, and her family isn't around, she can call him and he'll be there for her. It takes Theo and Chris, like, twenty minutes to get in the car. Kyle jumps onto the front bumper and does this bizarre bouncing/humping maneuver and then, like, a ballet leap off. He pointed his toes and everything. It made me realize that Kyle is, like, five feet tall. And half of that is head. Kyle, CJP, and Aneesa wave goodbye. Aneesa is overwhelmed with emotion, and walks away. Kyle looks at her and realizes that he should probably be crying too, if he wants to keep up his sensitive-guy image, so he runs his hands through his hair and goes, "God!" Woo! Oscar reel! What a performance. In the van, Chris tells Theo that he loves him. Theo says that he loves Chris, too. And then they make out.

It's Kyle's turn. Aneesa and CJP walk up to the train platform and wait with him. They all hold hands, like, if they were going to have a threeway, maybe they should have started a little earlier. Kyle warns both CJP and Aneesa to be careful -- CJP with men and Aneesa with women. Well, thanks for clarifying that. In an interview, CJP says that Kyle's time here has reaffirmed his love for Nicole. And then Kyle slips her a twenty. In an interview, Kyle says that he's going to fly to New York and surprise Nicole. And then she's going to kick his ass to the curb, because she apparently has an ounce of sense. In a confessional, Kyle says that the roommates are linked for the rest of their lives. Kyle's train leaves. CJP says that a little part of her heart is on that train, and a little part is on Keri's train. Apparently, none of her heart is in Tonya's cab, or Theo and Chris's van. Aneesa doesn't want any part of CJP's drama, so she says, "And now there are two." They walk back to the loft. God, could this be any more drawn out?

Now they are standing on the platform with Aneesa's things. They hug. The train comes. They blow kisses. Aneesa sniffles. That's Aneesa's whole sendoff? Dang.

CJP walks back to the loft alone. She loads her bag into a cab. In a confessional, CJP says that she adores her roommates, and they all lucked out. Maybe they did, but the audience didn't. CJP gets to give her final thoughts on each of her roommates. She thinks that Theo is a "dichotomy of drive and focus and party animal and womanizer." And homophobe. She forgot that part. Also, I think a dichotomy refers to two things, not four. CJP thinks that Tonya is both a "hardcore bitch and passionate, loving listener." Aneesa is a free spirit. Keri is both a Southern debutante and a "man-izing she-man." Was that a compliment? CJP will miss Kyle's "over-analytical bullshit." Well, she got the second part right. I guess Chris doesn't merit a mention, since he was invisible this season. CJP concludes that she grew up while she was in Chicago. Except replace "grew" with "hooked." CJP concludes that she's more independent than she realized. The camera pans over the empty loft. Thank fucking God. Except there's a reunion next week. Sigh.

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