Real World
In Bed with Jay

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Gustave: C- | 1 USERS: F
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In Bed with Jay

The camera pans along the street on which Attention Deficit Manor is located. Moody guitar music plays softly. Jay puts down the phone like he's just heard some devastating news, and shuffles into the living room. Mike is sitting there doing nothing, so Jay tells Mike that he's not going to be able to stage his play at The Fortune Theater. "It has to be totally low-profile," says Jay. "Isn't that a bitch?" Excuse me, but wasn't that already determined in Episode Seven when the Artistic Director of the Fortune told you that you'd need several hundreds of thousands of pounds to produce a play at any West End theater? Did you actually think that someone would cough up the money? Did you honestly think you'd go from winning a young writer's contest in the backwoods of Oregon to seeing a play of yours open on London's West End within the five months that you're in the city when you've spent most of said five months on your ass in front of the TV? In an interview, Jay whines some more about the injustice of this. Mike tries to comfort Jay by telling him that they could stage the play in the house. Jay laughs, but Mike lays out a plausible plan, suggesting where the stage could be and where the audience could sit. In an interview, Jay says that Mike wanted to make it happen for Jay. Then they go and ruin a perfectly charming moment by making a joke about doing something called "Jay Frank's Bedroom Unplugged." The boys laugh in a knowing way, and I have to wonder what the hell ever happens in Jay Frank's bedroom. Doesn't he share it with Mike? And hasn't he been nothing but celibate since he got to London? Did Jay's drama teacher stay a little longer than planned? Do I even want to think about this? Lars enters, and the American boys outline their plan to produce Jay's play in the living room. Lars is not terribly enthusiastic, but doesn't have any objections. "Then when I go back to Portland," says Jay to Mike, doing that thing with his hand as if he's imagining headlines being written about his dramatic triumph. "Jay Frank's Bedroom returning from its hit run on the West End...of Jay Frank's living room." The boys laugh heartily. It's like a movie that Blake Edwards forgot to make in 1966 starring Tony Curtis and Tony Randall and featuring Madeleine Kahn in a supporting role as Lars.

I am starting to like Jay less and less the more this season goes on. First, he almost cheats on his girlfriend. Then there was that whole Sharon-worship thing a couple of episodes ago. Now he's actually walking around London's West End indignant about the fact that none of these venerable theaters will stage his play. Apparently he can't understand why no one in London would want to finance him despite the fact that he really really wants to be a playwright. As justification for his confusion, Jay cites his ability to harass old people. "The first time I was in Leicester Square and I got in line and started talking to people...people interested in theater," says Jay in voice-over. We see him in line for theater tickets, starting a conversation with an elderly couple who clearly don't give a shit. "I'd tell them I was a playwright from the United States and people get interested in what I've done and what I'm doing." Another couple gets to hear all about Jay's one-man show. "So I put it on," he lectures to the middle-aged couple who would normally have fled if it weren't for the MTV cameras aimed right at them. "And it made money." The middle-aged woman politely asks him what it was called. "It's called Bedrooms," says Jay. "Oooh, cheeky!" says the middle-aged woman.

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