Real World
It Ain't Easy, But It Sure Is Big

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Kim: D | 1 USERS: A+
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It Ain't Easy, But It Sure Is Big

Back in the Van of Secrets, Melissa bugs Danny some more about his secret, and I'm sure he's wishing that he kept his big mouth shut. I know I am. Danny distracts her by asking what she thinks the roommates will be like, and if maybe they will all be white. Melissa asks him if he has a "complex about white folks." Danny says he "likes vegetables in [his] white rice." I don't even know what that means. Melissa rolls her eyes along with me, and says that Danny is "just enough salt for all [her] pepper." Enough with the food metaphors. Melissa has this really annoying habit of saying what she thinks is a bon mot and then fluffing up her hair with her hand in a very affected faux-diva kind of way. She needs to stop that. In case you missed the casting special, Melissa informs us that she is "half Black and half Filipino." Melissa tells Danny that she hoped he would be ugly, and that she wanted everyone else in the house to be ugly so that she could be "the shining star." Hey, what a surprise. Someone on the Real World is an attention junkie. Melissa bets that everyone will be cute and have "big boobs." Even the guys? Melissa is worried that the other girls will be cute and want to put on makeup all the time. This statement would carry a lot more weight (and humor) if Melissa didn't have on perfectly-applied lipstick. Danny asks her if she thinks the rest of the group will be all guys. Melissa says if it were all guys, she would think "yahooey kablooey" and make them push all the beds together, so that she could lie in the middle and have a "man sandwich" every day, because she loves boys. Okay, she's sassy and sexy. We get it.

Matt and Julie sit in front of the computer. Shout-out? Matt asks Julie if she has any tattoos. She doesn't, and asks him if he does. He doesn't, but he designs them. He claims to be "all about design, art and stuff." He pulls up a few websites, but not this one, unfortunately. The producers would probably edit it out if he did. Julie asks him if he's from Atlanta, and he says that he's really from a small town outside Atlanta, and it's "really rural." In an interview, Julie says that Matt "blows [her] mind" because he "seems to encompass all these different qualities [she] didn't think you could get in one person." Man, if she thinks Matt is the bee's knees, she really has lived a sheltered life. I mean, nothing against him (yet), but he hardly seems like the most interesting and dynamic person ever. Matt complains that she knows all about him and he knows nothing about her. Julie claims she is "boring" and she doesn't even know why they picked her to be on the show. In an interview, Matt says that Julie is "sweet" and "innocent" and "it's real [sic] attractive" and that he "can't help but be attracted to her." Hey, do you think these two like each other? That's the one thing I can't stand about this show: they keep you guessing all the time. They hardly give you any hints as to what's really going on. Matt starts talking about his "baby back home," which has a nineteen-inch monitor, "600 megahertz, 128 MB of RAM." Okay, first, how lame is it that he's trying to impress her with the speed of his processor? And second, that's not even that great. In an interview, Julie says she has a feeling she's going to really like him. Oh, for God's sack. Why don't they just get married already?

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Real World

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