Real World
Jamie is King Choad

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Jamie is King Choad

Shots of a tire shop and a trolley. Some random morning, David and Jamie are working in the living room while Kelley and Melissa spy on them from the kitchen. Melissa is dressed down and sipping coffee and says that Jamie is "beautiful." Not seeing it, folks. Melissa thinks that Jamie is attractive because he's unavailable and only has time for "Palm Pilots, cell phones and dot-coms." Kelley, who's is looking pretty dressed-up, in a rumpled way, with a wacky hair part and lots of jewelry, whispers to Melissa that Jamie thinks she's cute too. And then they all run out on the playground to play kickball before naptime. Sheesh. Melissa says, "I'm a Tootsie Roll to his Godiva. I'm three for a dollar and he's priceless," displaying an earth-shattering lack of self-confidence and the need for stronger glasses . Get this girl into therapy fast! Kelley giggles that she wish she could be as up-front as Melissa and Melissa responds, "I like to own my feelings." Kelley giggles again and then responds shiritily, "Well, good for you." Apparently Kelley owns her feelings but just doesn't share them. I hate all these simpering drama queens. In case we were all dropped on our heads as babies, Melissa now comes on in an interview explaining that both she and Kelley are attracted to Jamie. WHAT?! Why didn't they tell me before? We end the segment with a shot of Jamie, and it looks like he's talking into one of those headset phones. Because I guess he's doing so much with his hands loafing about in the Real World house that he can't use a regular phone.

Melissa and Julie go for a walk because all the boys are bugging Melissa and she wants to get out of the house. Melissa makes Julie admit she likes Matt. Julie says she's not his type. That's the impression I've gotten so far; in fact, Matt seems so frigid and judgmental that I'm not sure any person is his type. Melissa insists that since Matt and Julie are both "innocent and sweet," they do belong together. Julie admits she wouldn't object to that. In a confessional she says she'd like to know Matt "biblically" and then says she was kidding. I'm thinking of taking up a collection to get braces for Julie because her protruding top teeth almost put my eyes out every time she grins.

Danny (yay!), Kelley, and Jamie are in the kitchen. Jamie is wearing a blue polo neck shirt with a white T-shirt underneath, and that alone is reason enough that no woman should ever date him. I guess they're discussing extreme sports and Kelley and Danny are excited to find one that Jamie has never done: skydiving. Apparently, however, Jamie owns his own bungee for jumping and started a mountain-biking club at his school. Oh, take me now, penis-boy. Jamie states that pushing yourself physically helps you learn about yourself mentally, but I think that only applies in his case, where there obviously isn't much to learn about mentally, if you know what I mean.

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Real World

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