Real World

Episode Report Card
Djb: C- | 587 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Jason's Relationship Goes Timber

Woman! Whoa, man. Whoooooooooa, man!
She was a thief, you gotta belief
She stole my heart and my cat

[Pathos-ridden stare. The snare does its snare thing it does so well]

Betty, Wilma, Josie and those Pussycats
They made me horny, Saturday morny
Girls of cartoons, leave me in ruins
I want to be Betty's Barney

[And then, spoken soulfully]

Jane? Would you get me offa this crazy thing...called love?
[fin]

[Raucous applause and the throwing of hotel keys]

Over in the firehouse (where Jason is apparently both on his way to the airport and in the bathroom sitting silently though this conversation, even further indicating just how two-faced he is), Sean continues to grill his "friend" Syrus on the matter of race relations in America, telling him that he doesn't agree with affirmative action. Then they talk about race a bit more. Gee, do you think Sean has noticed that Syrus is black?

Back at the airport. Jason frets that "it's going to be different" when he sees Timber, but tells us in a confessional, "If we can just be honest with one another, let each other know where we're coming from, then it'll be cool." Timber, an average weight, average size, average beauty girl -- a fake-blonde more generic than Pathmark brand diet cola -- saunters out of the gate. Jason feigns frightfully happy to see her. Silent cab montage of her attempting to establish any amount of physical intimacy with him, and him looking out the window helplessly like she's a old man who has just fallen asleep next to him on a bus. The car pulls up at the firehouse, and they take exactly no time to introduce themselves to the other members of the house, seeing as he "wanted to have sex with her...immediately." And so they shut their roommates out and hole up in the bathroom for maximum, nookie-making potential, while shower caddies come crashing to the floor and mysterious naughty bits begin slamming against the wall. While the lot of them just sit there, rather than running like gangbusters to their local drugs and sundries retailer to begin a rigorous price comparison for the latest developments in hygienic flip-flop footwear. I would never walk in there again. I mean, in the shower? Come on. And also a big "come on" to the woeful editing team of this episode, who saw fit to intercut unsubtly phallic shots of fast-gushing waterfalls and uniformed men in a Boston parade -- no, really -- shooting off guns. It reminds me of the scene in The Simpsons where Marge and Homer send the kids off so they can make some serious whoopee, and it's followed by shots of a train entering a tunnel and a meat-processing plant spitting out rolled sausage and then Bart and Lisa are revealed to be watching those shots from inside of a movie theater airing a "stock footage film fest." Get it? It's making fun of the exact, contrived editing style we're seeing unironically in action right now.

Real World

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