Real World
Joe! Get Off the Phone!

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
Joe! Get Off the Phone!

Ugh, "Wanna Be Your Lovah!" is playing at the club. The whole gang wiggles furiously. Flora rocks her white jeans. Pass the chocolate milk. Melissa feels moved to comment that within five minute of arriving, "Cynthia is on the floor with a brother. She's incredible!" Cyn says she'd never have sex with someone she met in a club. Players everywhere groan and sigh. That's like saying you won't have sex with a musician! Anytime you get approached in a club, it's for sex. Cyn, you wily thing! She's outsmarted players at their own game.

At home, Joe sits by a lamp, saying he's "going to try and be strong." Don't weaken, Monogamous Man! Boobies are his kryptonite! Stay away! The posse leaves the club. Dan says he was groped by four men and Cyn and Sarah show off the numbers they collected. Back at home, Cyn tells Joe that the chicks at the club would have been "ON [his] JOCK!" and wasn't everyone on their jock at the club? Yes -- maybe that could have had something to do with the cameras? Joe weakly protests, oh no, no one would have been on his jock, heh heh. Melissa says he had a good night because he put photos in his album. Not a euphemism!

And now, a sweet montage of Joe's life in photographs. He was hot for girls in grades K through six, then he began actually having girlfriends. Joe even took two different girls to the same prom. Dan teases Joe for being a dog; Cyn calls him a ho. Cyn then says she needs "to take pimp lessons from" Joe. Of the two-girls-at-prom d├ębacle, Joe modestly says he "hopes he's not anymore," and that he was "lucky to have their company." I love Cyn for saying, "You're lucky you didn't get your ass kicked!" Hee!

It's nighttime. Joe's on the phone with Ick again. She says, "I thought you had conquered this problem -- you still have it." Joe says it's hard to go cold turkey, and Ick says she doesn't think Joe has gone cold turkey. Joe whines, "Nic, I haven't pleasured anyone else -- I don't know what you're talking about!" Oh, gross! ["'Pleasured'? What is he, in Clan of the Cave Bear?" -- Wing Chun] He adds, "You're making up scenarios in your head." Ick whines, "Certain women want you or whatever..." The moon shines in the sky. This is the self-fulfilling prophecy part, people.

The roomies work out at the gym. Mike "pumps" "iron" as his voice-over says Joe was getting stressed out. Joe runs on the treadmill as his voice-over says that Mike said, "Hey dude, you can't bash yourself for trying to advance, and if your partner bashes you, maybe that's not the right partner." Lunkhead wisdom, ladies and germs.

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Real World




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