Real World
Joe! Get Off the Phone!

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Joe! Get Off the Phone!

Gnarly guitars play jaggedly as Joe walks unsteadily to a pay phone. Monogamous Man is weakening! Once on, he says in his Brooklyn accent, "So Nic, seriously, what are you saying to me? You're totally telling me you don't trust me? That hurts. Sure I got desires, but that happens when you tell me you don't trust me! I wanna be with you so bad, but you make it so hard! You make it so hard, Nic!" See the self-fulfilling prophecy in action?

It's morning. That Dog, one of my favorite bands ["mine too!" -- Wing Chun], plays morning music. Joe eats the crumbs from a box of Pop Tarts. Landon calls and tries to motivate Joe to be the leader. Joe writes the roomies a note with Landon's suggestions on it, and then his voice-over says, "As a businessperson, I know that's extremely difficult to do." MBA, you have not gone completely to waste.

Another rap song with "money" in the lyrics plays as we get a montage of yachts, or "boats," as the rich say. I read that in The Preppy Handbook. Mike does some math as Dan suns himself, and decides that the profit from their business venture will be "thirty-five grand apiece." And the chickens they'll have, before they hatch? At least a million billion. Dan is wearing cut-off jeans and a drinking straw -- oh wait, that's his torso. Skinny! Dan whines. "I hate selling stuff," and sighs petulantly. Interview footage of him says, "I'm concerned about getting off the ground. If we try and fail, that's one thing, but if we never do anything, we'll always wonder, what would have happened?" Uh. Doy. Cyn then adds, "I don't want this to fail -- I want this to work." Still, she doesn't know what she's going to do. As Dan and Mike play checkers (Dan looks like he's winning), Cyn learns stuff on the computer. She says, "If we do nothing? I'm gonna be one upset chick. I'm gonna be mad." Hindsight says Cynthia was one mad chick when this was all over.

The whole gang goes out to eat, and Joe flirts with the waitress. She flirts back! When she leaves, he says, "She reminds me of the third girl I was with." Someone hit him, please. Mike says he's amazed that Joe "has that knack with women." Joe asks the waitress why she's "not hooked up." This was 1996, people, before "hooked up" and "hooking up" was in the vernacular. The waitress banters with him about what she may be hooked up to before admitting she is in fact single. Then, as they pay the check, she says, "You're the cutest thing I've ever seen walking out of here." Joe acts bashful as Mike asks what it is in Joe she finds so attractive. Maybe that he's paying the check? She's WORKING, after all. Mike makes fun of Joe's Brooklyn-ese, "Gimme chicken wit no skin on it! I tink I ordered the cawmelized cawwots!" Joe laughs and says, "I didn't do nothing!" You're weakening, Monogamous Man.

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