Real World
Julie's Stupid Letter

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Julie's Stupid Letter

Nope. Kelley and Julie go into a hair salon. The stylist checks out Julie's hair, and then the camera focuses on a Chihuahua in the background for some unknown reason. The stylist starts trimming, and asks who Julie is dating. Julie says no one, and the stylist keeps getting all up in her business, while Kelley giggles in the background. In a confessional, Julie says that you don't kiss everyone -- "It's like art. You exercise it." How do you exercise art? I swear no one is making any sense this week. Or this season. Or on this show, ever. The stylist thinks Matt is stupid for not kissing Julie. In an interview, Julie says she lives for the feeling she got when Matt first walked into the house, the way her heart jumped. I thought we had disposed of this crush a few episodes back. She's still in love with him? Whatever. Kelley explains to the stylist that Matt doesn't kiss, and the stylist concludes that "there's something wrong with him." You're telling me. Julie says that Matt wants the next girl he kisses to be the girl he marries. The stylist is all, "That's why he doesn't want to kiss you! Hello!" Hee! I wish my stylist gave me life advice. Instead, she talks about how hung-over she is. Or I just read a magazine and don't talk to her. In a confessional, Julie says that Matt needs to "exercise his lips," and that his lips are "gorgeous." Oh, hello Halloween candy that I scarfed down earlier. Nice to see you again. Julie tells the stylist that if she touches Matt he gets "all tensed up, and he starts shaking." Kelley and the stylist make ribald jokes about Matt's "love muscle." Everyone giggles. It's just like Steel Magnolias. Except Julie doesn't have diabetes. That I know of.

Julie and some boy are getting into a car as Mandy Moore's "Candy" plays in the background. They have used more TRL hits on this episode than any other. Weird. Anyway, Julie explains that the boy is Jacob, and she met him at her brother's concert. It must be said that Jacob looks about fourteen. I'm surprised that he has a drivers' license. They go in the house, and Julie introduces her date to Matt and Melissa. Melissa makes small talk, and Matt says to Jacob, out of nowhere, "You need to speak up, punk-ass." What? Where did that come from? Also, Matt has a sunburn on his face and huge white patches around his eyes from his sunglasses. Julie kicks him, and Matt tries to defend himself by saying he couldn't hear Jacob. Apparently, the phrases, "Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry, what was that?" haven't made it to Backasswardsville, Georgia yet. Julie tells him not to be rude to her guest, and Matt says if he didn't like Jacob, he wouldn't care what he had to say. Is he drunk? He's acting so strange. In a confessional, Julie says that Matt is always making "rude remarks under his breath" that make both her and Jacob feel uncomfortable. Julie and Jacob leave (and walk past David hanging out on the porch alone), as Julie explains that Matt gets pissed off when she has a friend. Jacob says, "Maybe he likes you." Julie doesn't respond. Ah, wise young Jacob. So young, and yet so wise in the ways of the world.

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Real World

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