Real World

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D | 347 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

We're back at Fordham University. Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" starts playing. Joe has lust for huge women. Hee. He's in class with Professor Stoner. Duude. The Prof has white hair and a beard. He doesn't look high. Cordell beams as he introduces Joe to the class. Most of Joe's classmates glower. I hate special treatment, too, my fellow glower-ees! Joe says in his absurd Brooklynese, "I need to make a fawmal apawlogy to Pwofessa Stona. Dis is the only priority in my life." What a crock! Via interview, we learn, "I had to show something of my contribution. I must graduate. I painted a picture of Joe the fuck-up." How about Joe, the tense misuser? Jesus. Then, back in class, Joe says, "I went to Miami to start a business with seven people, then found myself with a bay outside my window, and a pool and a Jacuzzi and a pool table, and just got caught up in the whole craziness of it." His classmates wipe their eyes and play tiny violins en mass. Professor Stoner charges across the room and emphatically embraces Joe. I barf. Now I know Professor Stoner smokes. Dude, don't bogart that...oh, never mind, I'm almost finished. No, pass it over here after all.

Time for a meaningless conclusion. Sarah plays with Leroy. Aww! Puppy! So cute! He barks, and my dog, Artie, wakes up and stares at the TV. Flora says via voice-over that she'll be "mad for five minutes then come back...[she's] a very kind person." BA HA HA! No really, she said that. Sarah washes dishes at the sink and Flora dries, and they chat about who should be president of Delicious Deliveries. Well, Flora chats and Sarah says "yeah?" and "mm-hmm!" Leroy chases his tail. Flora and Sarah teach him to play fetch. Artie stares at the TV. Artie could be on TV. He's that cute. In an abrupt cut, Dan holds Leroy up to the confessional camera and says Leroy is "the best thing to happen to the house -- it's positive." Everyone laughs and plays with the dog. What a bunch of simpletons.

Next week: the threesome! I swear!

Real World

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