Real World
Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

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Kissing Professor Stoner's Ass

Joe, channeling that old O.J. Simpson/Hertz ad, races through the airport as fast as his little legs will take him. He's flying back to New York to kiss his professor's ass. "I had to do something to make the sky shake," he says. Hole plays their terrible Fleetwood Mac cover and the plane takes off.

The plane lands. A yellow cab and the Squiggly Font of Introduction (tm Djb) lets us know Joe's in New York now. A classmate (who has inexplicably agreed to help Joe) follows the Tiny One as he navigates the streets. Cordell is a mild-mannered, square-shouldered, suit-and-tie-wearing bespectacled black man. Very professional. Very helpful. Why he's helping Joe, I have no idea. Oh wait -- could it be the cameras? Joe jogs alongside Cordell in a horrible striped gray rugby shirt and a schlumpy backpack over one shoulder, blathering: "The only reason I'm here is to say, Professor Stoner, I am living the freakin' class. I have to prove it to him." Cordell says Joe doesn't have to prove anything, but rather has to "have a presence in the class." Cordell. You are so wise. Joe says in a sit-down, "Professor Stoner needs to see me, my class needs to see me." Joe? You are backwards, boy. You NEED to be in class, your classmates do not NEED to see you. God! The world does not revolve around you, peewee!

Subplot alert: Sarah and Flora fight about whether Mark should be an equal partner in the business. Flora says no, Sarah says yes. Flora yells as Sarah plays solitary hackeysack. "Whose idea was it?" "His! Whose money is it?" "Ours. So the two and two make what? It seems pretty equal." "We'll make shirts and hats, and Mark's idea is nixed." Sarah keeps playing hackeysack as the Tense Chords start up again.

Mark's office. He's set up an appointment with a realtor -- he, Sarah, and Flora are going to look at store spaces. Sarah is psyched, Flora sulky. Mark looks all intense and Sipowicz-y. They look at the place. The realtor says, "This is choice!" That is so '80s. Mark gets all excited and talks about putting refrigerators in and having gummy bears over there, and Flora scowls and stomps around and is generally disagreeable. In a sit-down, Flora wears a yellow, lace-up pirate shirt, making her seem completely bizarre when she says, "This is my business, and I'm not going to give it up like that." Girl, give up the yellow lace-up pirate shirts. Now.

Now we're back in New York. You can tell because they have footage of yellow cabs and the Empire State Building. Joe's having lunch with Cordell and doing his work for the class at the same time. And here I though Joe was a unitasker. Cordell leads Joe through the assignment: "These are just some questions to read to the class, about you." Joe's like, "Yeah! I'll do it!" Because Joe wants all work to be all about him.

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Real World

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