Willie and Sarah are summoned next. Willie's going home to New York, and Sarah's going to visit her shitty sister. Sarah cries, waves, cries, does thirty minutes on a Precor, cries, blames her mom for making her have to leave right now, cuts her skirt a little shorter, hooks up with three guys, blames MJ for not being straight with her, cries, pukes, yells, forgets what she was crying about, cries because she hates how much she forgets things all the time because her mom makes her feel so fat and cancer. Shavonda pretends to cry along with Sarah's fake tears, but she can't muster even the slightest fake tear, since she's having to use them all up on her fake relationship with Landon. Sarah tells us that she fell in love with these six "awesome" people. She says she knows they're going to come off as asses on this show: "But I love these asses. I do." Aw, we love your ass, too, Sarah. And it's not big, no matter what your mama tells you. Go get your crazy ass some more booze.

MJ kisses Willie on the cheekbone as Willie tells us that MJ has come pretty far from his total homophobia to random spurts of homophobia. Willie and MJ tell each other how much they've learned from one another. Sarah's falsies, then Sarah, then Willie get on the bus. Shavonda cries now, but it's only because she thinks it looks really cool to do so when the wind is blowing on her hair like that. Sarah and Willie have gone a few miles before Sarah admits, "Those pancakes were pretty terrible." Ha. "They were," Willie says. Then he brags, "MJ gave me a kiss." He smiles, happy that he's...I don't know that he's done anything, but whatever makes Willie smile is just fine. We hardly knew ye, Willie. Thanks for barely making a difference in this insufferable television show. Not making a scene means you weren't an asshole, and that's a huge accomplishment here.

So we're down to three. For some reason, they have to say goodbye to the house as we listen to a song about saying goodbye and then they have to walk to the same place where they all met in a flashback and man this episode has been ending for a really long time. Little tip for future Real World hostages: if you want the most screen time, it's important you hook up with a housemate. Then they'll give you your own crew and you'll be the last to go home. MJ can't get out of his own way as he tells us he's learned from Landon that you can be a man and still engage in "what [he] likes to call a 'sissy conversation.'" Shavonda tells MJ he's like her big brother. Dis! MJ and Landon share a manly upper-forearm shake, admitting that they're in love with each other but adding the word "man" so it's totally cool. They hug. It must be bitch-ass hot in Philly because everybody's coated in sweat. We're forced to watch a Landon/MJ black-and-white montage of their non-gay love as Landon calls MJ his wing man. MJ leaves. I'm still worried that I'm accidentally going to sip some of his dip spit.