Real World
Like a Virgin

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Like a Virgin

Previously: Eric and Kevin fought. Then we got to meet Eric's anorectic girlfriend.

Julie and Kevin sit on the couch quizzing each other from the "Do You Do It With the Lights On?" handbook. Kevin asks Julie a variety of questions, from whether she kisses with her eyes open to how she first learned about sex to if she's done it with more than one person in a week. When Julie asks Kevin how he learned about sex, he says, deadpan, "From the Flintstones. All I know is one day Pebbles appeared and they had to be doin' something."

All this is intercut with montages of Julie being cute, dancing, in a cab, et cetera, and of Kevin kissing a girl while Heavy D's "Is He Good to You?" plays in the background.

Julie refuses to answer whether she's on top or bottom during sex. Kevin refuses to answer if he pees in the shower, then confesses that he's had sex with someone and forgotten her name.

Ooh. Big question. Kevin, cackling, says, "How long do you think you could live comfortably without sex?" Julie says, sort of shyly, "So far, nineteen years." This floors Kevin.

Kevin's one-on-one is intercut with MORE scenes of Julie frolicking with her dog at her home in Alabama. We get it. She's frickin' adorable. Anyway, he says "Most men are dogs, so I think it is to Julie's advantage that she remains a virgin," and he goes on about the perfidy of men and how they say they'll love you and then turn around and leave you. I think Kevin's Cro-Magnon tendencies have a sweet impulse, but I do think he's got some weird issues going on around Julie and her hymen. Kevin says he'd hate to think of Julie losing her virginity one night to some guy and then that guy not being there one week or one month later or whatever.

Next shots: Julie's Big Date. She is dating some romance cover reject who has mistaken big Stonehenge-sized teeth and enormous blow-dried hair for sex appeal. I'm sure, if Fabio were in the area, he would feel very threatened. He's obviously in his late thirties and way, way creepy and saccharine. Blech! Obviously Julie (and the editors) think so too, because one shot prominently features Julie sticking out her tongue as far as it will go. Julie, throughout the date, looks like something nasty was caught in her craw. As soon as the guy drops her off at her door -- and no goodnight kiss -- she slams it shut and slumps to the floor, looking relieved and cackling. I guess Julie was lactose-intolerant after all.

The gang sits around and grills Julie like a cheese sandwich about her date. Now we get little flashbacks. Le Grand Fromage, as I like to call her date, meets-and-greets with Norman and compliments him on his art. Noman's one-on-one. He says, "Uh, Stockwell's a big guy," and goes on to say how he's a painter as well, and Norman felt a little threatened by him -- maybe because of the painter thing, or the guy thing, or because he was dating Norman's roommate.

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