Real World
Meet and Greet and Moan and Groan

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
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Meet and Greet and Moan and Groan

Jon, carrying a huge box upstairs, knocks a picture off the wall. Beth watches this, gripping her squalling feline, and looking appalled. She scurries back to her new pajamas and the safety of her bedroom. Irene snits to the camera that she got stuck with the last bed. In the bedroom, however, Beth asks her if the sleeping arrangements are acceptable to her, and Irene says that they are. Hey, Irene, babe, if you're unhappy, say so, or shut up. God, the longer this episode drags on, the bitchier I become.

More unpacking. Dude, unpacking is unavoidably dull, even when it's done to the tune of "Just Can't Get Enough," one of my favorite Depeche Mode tunes ever. And what does that even mean? Can get enough what? Styrofoam peanuts? Unfolding? What? The boys divide the rooms; David and Jon sharing one, and Aaron and Dom the other. David jumps on his bed. I think he could use a massive dose of Ritalin, but I suppose that will remain to be seen. The boys check out the girls' bed and bathroom, commenting that, dude! The females have "two toilets!" One of them is a bidet, but no one takes the time to point that out.

Jon tells the camera that David is a stand-up comedian, and David brays that he's "always on stage." Oh, grand. Nothing's more fun than living with a guy who never shuts down the show. On the deck of the house, Aaron runs his hands through his blond tresses and says, of David, "Someone's who's got, like, uh, comic sense, like that, you know, has to be an intelligent guy." Unlike, say, Aaron.

David leans into the camera and tells us that Aaron "reads a lot. He's a big brain." Well, he's got a big head, but I don't know if that's exactly the same time. Standing in front of Royce Hall on the UCLA campus, Aaron tells us that he's "an Economics major at UCLA, and [he's] graduating in June." This confession is followed by shots of Aaron yukking it up in a classroom I have never seen, and cannot even begin to place on a campus which I know fairly intimately. Everyone in the classroom is grinning like a loon. I'm sure they'd all be finding econ just this funny if the cameras weren't there.

Beth tells Irene that she's a P.A., a production assistant, which is sort of a lie, because she actually works in a casting office, and I was given to understand that a P.A. is someone who actually works on a set. Beth earnestly tells us that she "loves the entertainment industry." Oh, sweet Jesus! Then you aren't really in it, baby. You only love the idea of it. Beth tells us she's interested in acting, too. That is so rare in Los Angeles, you have no idea. We visit Beth's photo shoot as someone takes her head shots. Not to be cruel -- okay, a little cruel -- but Beth has got to do something about her eyebrows before she gets any photos taken. They're totally out of control. And a good agent would tell her that. Which leads me to believe that Beth does not have a good agent. Which leads me also to believe that Beth will never get a job, and will be disillusioned by "the industry" before this series is over, to which I say, thank God, because the last thing this city needs are more "actresses."

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Real World

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