Real World
Mommy, Aaron and Dom Are Mean!

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Mommy, Aaron and Dom Are Mean!

Dom, sitting on the beach, explains that Tami is "very ambitious." We see Tami, yukking it up backstage at Studs, and then, sitting under a bridge, where she explains that she and Kenya, her Studs Bachelor #1, are "cheating." Not on one another, but on Studs, in an attempt to fix the show. It's just like the Twenty-One scandal, except Robert Redford would never make a movie about Tami's classless attempt to score a free chaperoned trip to Jamaica and $600, and even if he did, it's unlikely he could convince my former boyfriend, Ralph Fiennes, to star as Tami's partner in crime. And don't even try to tell me that Ralph Fiennes was not my boyfriend, because he totally was; I was famous -- famous, I tell you! -- for the shrine I had erected to Ralph in my dorm room. People I didn't even know would recognize me, on the street, mind you, as "the girl with the Ralph Shrine." So shut up.

On the set of Studs Tami is introduced as a "health-care worker." In an interview, she explains that she and Kenya have planned to choose one another at the end of the show, and then they're "going to cash [their] checks" and Tami is going to make Kenya spend his share on her. And she's going to spend her own share on herself. She chortles.

We're "treated" to Tami's segments on Studs. She explains why Kenya is a "good kisser" as the studio audience whoo-hoos and does the Arsenio twirly fist thing (remember, it's 1993). Kenya is so not as cute as the other guy. Maybe he's more malleable to Tami's iron will. In the audience, Jon and his Mullet laugh together. Tami, in an interview, admits that she forgot about part of the game when she was plotting out her master scheme to screw Studs -- namely the part wherein the "stud" answers various questions, getting little Velcro hearts for every correct answer. The dude with the most hearts wins. Tami neglected to figure this aspect of the highly complicated game into her plan. Sadly, Kenya does not get the most hearts, so, although Kenya and Tami pick one another, Bachelor #2 and Bachelorette #3 win. Foiled again!

Tami admits that she was using Kenya for the trip, and the money, and that she told Kenya that if he was "waiting for [her] to call him, then he's going to be waiting a very long time." She cackles that she hasn't talked to him since. Her earrings are the size of small Russian provinces.

Establishing shot. Establishing shot. Establishing Shot. Mommy, make it stop.

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