Real World
My Stinky Valentine

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Sep: D | Grade It Now!
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My Stinky Valentine

We begin with the usual establishing shots of San Francisco and then quickly segue into Puck talking to Cory about Valentine's Day. Puck apparently has two dates and I really don't want to know how he managed that feat. Puck tells Cory that in San Francisco Valentine's is actually known as "St. Puck's Day." Cory says, "Oh," like she believes him. Twit.

It's time for that all-important facet of everyday living: the trip to the store. How freakin' boring. Sometimes reality-based TV is mired a bit too much in actual reality. Judd, Pedro and Puck all go shopping at the Safeway in the marina. Puck spies some blue punch and gets all excited. He says that he likes blue drinks because they look like Windex. I wish he would drink some real Windex. Pedro's voice-over says that Puck is always "on" and has "no manners," because MTV must think that the viewing audience is terribly slow. Pedro is basing this conclusion on the fact that Puck blew a snot rocket on the way home. Of course, then we have to sit through footage of numerous snot rockets. Did I mention that I'm working on this during my lunch hour? Feel my pain, people. Puck tells us that he is a bike messenger, so Pedro should get used to his gross behavior. How in the world is that an excuse? I mean I don't go around burping in people's faces and justifying it by saying that I work in the staffing industry. In an interview, Pedro says that Puck is exactly the type of person he didn't want to live with. First: Word. Second: You think the producers didn't know that, Pedro?

Back at the house, Rachel is sitting in a chair eating an apple while Puck eats cereal with his hands. Puck says that he never ever uses utensils. Pedro looks on, disgusted, while Rachel giggles, because she has an idiotic crush on Puck and probably finds his behavior adorable. Thus encouraged, Puck says that he's "pushing the envelope." As if desperate measures to fulfill a pathological need for attention are in any way the same thing. So Rachel invites Puck to mass and Puck accepts, shocking everyone, although he claims it's because he loves Jesus. Which is good, because Jesus is probably the only person who could ever love him, although I imagine that Jesus would spend a fair amount of time turning the other cheek in order to get a whiff of fresh air.

While walking to church, Puck keeps tugging at his crotch and Rachel begs him not to do it at church. Personally I'd like him to stop right now -- preferably before we learn that he isn't wearing any underwear. Random shots of Rachel and Puck at church follow. In an interview, Rachel says, "The traditions that the Church upholds is really, like, the glue to keeping families like mine together." I really have to try and keep my mouth shut here. It's generally not my policy to insult other people's religions. While talking to Pam, Pedro says that the only two people in the house with whom he has "friction" are Rachel and Puck -- Rachel because her "religion tells her that [Pedro is] evil," and Puck for the obvious reasons. To prove it, we get a flashback to the first night when Pedro was showing everyone his AIDS scrapbook, and Rachel got up and left. In anconfessional Rachel actually says, "Instead of trying to get information, all it was total PC-La-di-da-di- kumbaya-how-wonderful- you-are-that-you-speak and nothing relevant was discussed." Again, how is it the house's fault that Rachel didn't bring up her concerns? So now we have established that Pedro and Rachel Have Issues. Ready to move on?

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Real World

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