M.Y.O.B.: Bad Seed
You know how every season, at least a couple of the people on Real World are only there because they are hoping to launch a career as a singer, actor or other entertainer? Well, of the roommates from Hawaii, it turns out that Colin was the one. Who knew? Anyway, he's on this show called M.Y.O.B., although based on the reviews, they should have just saved everyone a letter and called it D.O.A.. In case you missed it (and I hope you did), here's the scoop.
The show starts with a shot of a high school, with lots of pretty people, and a teenage girl speaking in a voiceover. She's talking about how unrealistic this high school scene is because the kids have "bouncy hair" and "clear skin," and she's not like that. You know, I liked this opening scene better the first time I saw it -- on Freaks and Geeks. And it was a lot subtler because there was no anvil-icious voiceover explaining the whole thing to us. We finally get our first glimpse of the girl speaking, and she has bouncy hair and clear skin, which just negated that whole opening scene. She looks a lot like Portia De Rossi. A lot. In fact, although she tells us her name is Riley, I'm just going to call her Portia Junior. She walks through an airport and explains to us the whole time how she knows this sleazy guy is looking at her. Once again, I liked the omniscient, disaffected female narrator better the first time I saw it, when it was called The Opposite of Sex. This makes sense, since the guy who wrote Opposite of Sex also produced this show, but maybe he needs to come up with something new. Anyway, she gets a ride from Sleazy Guy, ends up eating a meal in his hotel room and when he comes onto her, she manages to make a Paula Jones reference and stick him in the nether regions with a toothpick from her sandwich, all while making a clean getaway and narrating the show.
Portia Junior gets a ride from a chicken farmer and pulls up to a school, telling us that she found out she was adopted from her father's girlfriend, and when she asked her father about it, he just said, "M.Y.O.B." See what they did there? That's the title of the show! Portia Junior walks down the hall in the school, while telling us that she doesn't have time to go into that, "not with all the ads for Just Shoot Me they want to squeeze in here." I can just see the network executives patting themselves on the backs for that clever meta-reference. I hear the teenagers love those, because it makes them feel like insiders. Portia Junior walks into the principal's office and says she's looking for her real mother or real father, and the principal has a heart attack. A woman runs in and Colin is right behind her -- that marks his first appearance in the episode. Colin tries to hand the woman a first-aid kit, and she tells him to dial 911 instead. See, Colin's character is supposed to be dumb. You know, typecasting. Portia Junior makes some insensitive remarks about the dead principal, because she's hardened due to her difficult upbringing. Some guy named Mitch runs in to help, but they do not succeed. Later, Mitch and rescue woman from earlier banter about the dead principal, and we find out rescue woman's name is Opal. Opal and Mitch went to college together, now Opal is going to be the new principal, and Mitch will be working for her.