God, is this show still on? Okay, Opal offers to get a blood test because it's possible that Pearl is lying. Portia Junior is touched, so she calls the hotel and gets a receipt from the room she got with Sleazy Guy/Superintendent. She goes to Sleazy Guy's house and blackmails him into making Opal the principal. Opal is mad that she didn't get the job on her own merits, and makes Sleazy Guy admit that she is more qualified than Mitch, which he does. Mitch gets all pissed off and vows revenge.
Colin does some paperwork with his upper lip wrinkled.
Portia Junior says that Opal tried to find her a foster family and couldn't. She's staying until the "very special episode where [she] finds [her] birth mother." Enough with the meta-references! Portia Junior hopes that we, the viewers, are not disappointed that this is just like every other television show. If we are, she tells us we can always watch Law & Order. Thanks for the suggestion! It's time for me to do just that.