Real World
Nose Candy

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Nose Candy

Ace talks to his friend, Brad, on the phone. Brad asks about Ace's roommates. Ace immediately says that he kissed Mallory the other night. I hope Brad isn't friends with Kate. Ace says that it was just a drunken kiss, and not a hook-up. Ace interviews that he feels bad about kissing Mallory because of Kate. Ace tells Brad that he loves Kate to death, but that he doesn't want to look back on his time in Paris and have regrets. Ace interviews that he's wishy-washy, because some days he wants to marry Kate, and some days he just wants to have fun. If he really sees marrying Kate as the opposite of fun, then I don't think he should marry her. Also, doesn't Kate have any say in this matter? Maybe she doesn't want to marry him? Brad advises Ace just to live life to the fullest. In an interview, Ace explains the concept of "Ace on nine," which is reminiscent of a speech Puck gave one time, like, what kind of person likens his personality to a volume knob? Puck and Ace. Which are both dog names, now that I think of it. Anyway, Ace says he's "on nine" when he feels like himself and can be comfortable. Ace tells Brad that he needs to be "on nine" in France.

Mallory and Christina have a whispered conversation about Ace. I don't think they realize that there is a hidden camera right behind them. Mallory says that things are weird with Ace. Christina says that Ace flirts with everybody. Mallory doesn't want things to be weird with Leah. Mallory interviews that she wants to let Leah know what's up, but that she doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Mallory tells Christina that she doesn't need a guy, except sometimes to fool around with. See, I really don't think Mallory realized she was on camera here. Mallory says she doesn't need the drama of a guy in her life.

Simon, Leah, and Chris are at work. They're discussing Mr. Miyagi, I swear to God. Actually, I think they're discussing a fashion designer with a name that sounds like Miyagi. ["Issey Miyake would be my guess." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Leah turns to Chris and whispers, "Clean your nose." Like, if he's got a booger hanging out, there are nicer ways to let him know. She's not his mom. She could just say his name to get his attention and then pointedly wipe her own nose. How did these people get this far in life without learning these social niceties? Or she could be like a friend of mine in high school, who used to just walk up to me and tilt his head back and go, "Do I have any cliffies?" I still don't know why he called visible boogers "cliffies." I'll have to ask him at the next reunion. Anyway. Simon tries to continue the conversation. Leah is actually wearing her pink ribbon for once. Chris does something we don't see, and Leah watches him the whole time. Chris giggles and gets up, and Leah gasps and laughs. Simon asks what happened. Leah says that Chris just picked a huge booger out of his nose and ate it. Chris turns and says that he didn't eat it. Leah claims he did. Chris, who had been walking out of the room (to the bathroom?), turns and shows Leah that the booger is still on his finger. Leah starts retching and tells Chris not to come any closer. So of course, Chris starts chasing her around the room with the booger. Which I would totally do, since she's being such a fucking drama queen about it. She's also laughing part of the time, when she's not retching. Chris catches Leah in the hall, but refrains from actually wiping the booger on her shirt. Leah retches some more, which is totally fake. Chris runs off, and Leah says, "You repulse me." Oh, boo hoo. Cry about it. She clearly doesn't have any brothers. My brother's friends used to pull down their pants and fart on my head. One time one of them actually wiped his bare ass around on my head. I had to take a shower immediately. But I didn't retch, because I'm not a child, and I also know that the more grossed-out you act, the more they will continue to do it. Simon asks Leah if she's okay, and Leah says that Chris is vile.

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