Some countrified electric guitar song that even now the Black Crowes are anticipating covering and passing off as their own composition should they be invited to perform in public ever again accompanies Sean walking out of the firehouse wearing his Lay It Again, Sam hat and carrying an axe which, if he hasn't brought it with him to hack that hideous piece of leather into bits and somehow reconstruct the poor cow who needlessly gave its life for the unfashion of its creation, its purpose has been sadly misdirected. Sean approaches a red pick-up truck and pronounces them "ready to roll," as Jason's voice-over fills in the blanks that "Sean rented a truck." Thanks. Oh, more? Talk on. "Me, Syrus, and Sean are all gonna jump in this truck, for four hours, all the way up to Maine, and pick up a log." ["There's not one log in Massachusetts? Come ON." -- Wing Chun] Sean is ridiculously proud of himself when he lets us know, "We have a pool, and I'm gonna teach the kids to log roll," adding, "I think the kids will see my excitement for the sport, and also get excited about the sport." Which I'm sure is true, provided the slight alteration in form is allowed to occur, by which the word "log" is changed just a smidge to read "Pokémon" and the word "roll" morph just ever so slightly into the words "Game Boy." Other than that, hitch up the wagons, maw, we're goin' to Hicksville, USA! Yee-ha, Pickachu! Er, I mean, "log rolling."
Back at the firehouse, Montana continues with Operation Hangover, reporting, "It's a little bit frustrating. Nobody's really getting back to me. I keep playing phone tag with people. I set up appointments, people cancel them, and I'm very anxious to get this new volunteer thing underway." Wonder why that would be. I'm sure if you just press on using that tone of voice and informing people that you really don't care who you help as long as you can close the book on this whole "volunteer thing," that any number of like-minded individuals will throw down the cotton they'd been using to swab sores on AIDS patients or lay down their ladles once employed for the purpose of administering soup into the cupped palms of the poor and bowl-less and help to make sure you don't lose face with the 18-34 year-old demographic when the show about you living rent free in a fully furnished apartment airs. Charity is charity, after all.













Comments