Back at the firehouse once more, Montana finds a woman named "Andrea," the volunteer coordinator at a project called Shelter, Inc. In a confessional, Montana celebrates, "I really felt like this is something I could definitely do, and I just got a really good feeling about it." Back on the phone, Andrea tells her to come in and see if it's a place Montana would like to work. Montana thinks that's "great." Shut up, Montana. Where's Jeffrey with that giant jug with the three "X's" across it? I gotta follow me the scent back to the good stink of moonshine.
Man's ultimate triumph over log culminates in front of a nondescript square brick building (is there some aesthetic ordinance which stipulates Anthony is not allowed to enter a building that doesn't fall under the umbrella of nondescript, square, and brick?), as the pick-up truck pulls up. Anthony is now on board to help unload the log, and the assemblage carries it down a long hallway and into an indoor pool that looks appears to be a far more exciting after-school option than a half-empty box of Jenga pieces and a rousing Syrus-organized game of "Guess Mommy's Bra Size And Phone Number." Also a pretty good deterrent from turning back to the ol' sauce. Eh, Jeffrey? The log is suddenly in the pool and the kids are suddenly there and Sean is suddenly shirtless in a manner far more detrimental to my projected future mental health than countless pulls off Jeffrey's Jug could ever hope to be (I'll do an Extra on that one day and report back. The things I do for the love of my work). Anthony attempts to look on approvingly at the sudden interest his volunteers are taking in the children, but this slippery hunk of lumber in a cement pool has him gazing in horror, like maybe a little drop of alcohol wouldn't be the bigger insurance liability after all. But no matter. Sean is suddenly mid-demonstration, showing the kids that they have to be super-careful because there's nowhere to hold on (what about those big-ass handles right there? Oh, sorry. Those are just Sean's love handles and oh ha ha ha because really I'm so perfect) and that they have to maintain balance at all times. Sean's voice-over really speaks for his character on the whole: "I see the excitement of these kids, standing on a log." Sure, it's funny now. But y'all wait until Jesse Ventura becomes President and the Super Bowl is cancelled in lieu of this revisionist national pastime. These kids love it. Minnesota: don't let it happen to you.













Comments