Real World
On A Roll…A Log Roll

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Payback's A Bitch, And So Is...Well, No One

Next in is Sean, who is just relieved that Anthony told him he could come back to the center. This leads Sean to what his confessional refers to as a "revelation," in which he tells us he realized, "If I don't make something happen right now, in the next couple of days, I'm gonna give these kids nothing and my time in East Boston is wasted." Cut to Sean on the phone, offering up that rallying cry, "I need a log by Monday!" He continues that he has to make this "happen for the kids," or he's "a total turdball." Dude. No comment. Suddenly, we're product-placing the Hard Rock Café (sorry, but no human being not from some farming village in Kurdistan has walked into that eating establishment without checking a suitcase full of irony at the door since, well, ever), as Sean and Syrus sit at the bar and enjoy $14 pints of beer, arguing about the nasty turn their six cumulative minutes at the CCC have taken. Sean: "What did I give the kids? Not a whole lot. You said you were going to give the kids a basketball program, and have you done that? Not yet." Syrus defends himself on the basis that "the situation is not what they drew it out to be. Period." He was expecting, maybe, more titties and beer? At an after-school program for elementary-school children? Sean removes a dollar from his wallet and throws is at Sean, yelling, "Quit passing the buck!" and leaves in a big huff. Ah! The currency-oriented hijinks of it all. When will it end? No, really. When, already?

Some countrified electric guitar song that even now the Black Crowes are anticipating covering and passing off as their own composition should they be invited to perform in public ever again accompanies Sean walking out of the firehouse wearing his Lay It Again, Sam hat and carrying an axe which, if he hasn't brought it with him to hack that hideous piece of leather into bits and somehow reconstruct the poor cow who needlessly gave its life for the unfashion of its creation, its purpose has been sadly misdirected. Sean approaches a red pick-up truck and pronounces them "ready to roll," as Jason's voice-over fills in the blanks that "Sean rented a truck." Thanks. Oh, more? Talk on. "Me, Syrus, and Sean are all gonna jump in this truck, for four hours, all the way up to Maine, and pick up a log." ["There's not one log in Massachusetts? Come ON." -- Wing Chun] Sean is ridiculously proud of himself when he lets us know, "We have a pool, and I'm gonna teach the kids to log roll," adding, "I think the kids will see my excitement for the sport, and also get excited about the sport." Which I'm sure is true, provided the slight alteration in form is allowed to occur, by which the word "log" is changed just a smidge to read "Pokémon" and the word "roll" morph just ever so slightly into the words "Game Boy." Other than that, hitch up the wagons, maw, we're goin' to Hicksville, USA! Yee-ha, Pickachu! Er, I mean, "log rolling."

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Real World

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