The kids all stand around. No customers. Paula is upset about the nap and at Zach for letting John get away with it; she's also mad at everyone for thinking John's taking a nap there is funny. Dude, you have seven people to handle zero customers. I think you're going to be all right. John snores. Janelle runs in, psyched about the B/M sound guy -- I mean, "customer" who walks in. If I saw camera crews and seven losers being uber-excited about my presence and no other customers to be found, I would flee.
Montage of supposed customers. Two dark-skinned black girls wander in. Really? Is the whole Mystic Tan process for them? I'm not so sure. People walk out of the booth covered in chemicals. They seem nonplussed about the whole thing. The kids count money. Zach is happy about the "fruits of [their] labor."
Bossman Ricky Croft calls on the SIDEKICK! Really, it's their friggin' opening day. Where else does he have to be? Zach lies that they made over $700, but adds that they need to make more. Bossman Ricky Croft thinks they did well. No, he doesn't.
The kids go out to celebrate. Bars. Bars. Standing around. Drinking. Paula gets drunk. She and Svet run. They all climb into the FORD!, and Tyler camera-queens that Paula is drunk again, so he knows it's going to be a great ride home. Driving. Paula babbles about John, suddenly getting really mad and yelling at him about sleeping at work. "Kiss my ass!" she says for the first of a hundred times. John camera-frats that you shouldn't taunt a barking dog. Paula yells. John sticks his head out the window. Paula keeps yelling, saying he has a small penis. Kids are laughing. Tyler is busting a gut. Finally, John retaliates, saying she has "mosquito bites" for tits. Tyler loves it. Paula doesn't. John finally snaps and, pretending to talk as Paula, says, "My waist is six inches around and I pick my scabs because they don't heal." Suddenly, the FORD! goes quiet and Svet tries to get John to stop but he's on a roll now and goes on, saying that she has a three-year-old scab (heeeeee) and that Paula hasn't eaten in a week. Dead silence. Paula looks like she just found out her puppy died. Awk-ward. Commercials.
Ooh, I can't wait for the new MTV reality show Cheyenne. I'm gonna put her as a top eight on my MySpace page! Squeeeee!
FORD! Driving. Silence. Svet says, "John." John gets out and opens the gate. Paula starts talking again, and Zach tells Paula that she's not helping herself and she lashes out, "Kiss my ass, cuz everyone...kisses his goddamn ass." She's on the verge of tears. Good. She points to everyone who can kiss her ass one by one. Then when Svet gets sad about being included, Paula says, "Well, not you." Heh. Zach tells Jose, who also complains about having to kiss Paula's ass, that he should just "take it." I think Zach often tells Jose to just "take it." Jose and Tyler and Paula are the only ones left in the FORD! now. Jose is trying to reason with her, wondering what he did to her. She drunkenly says, "Not what you did to me, but what you did against me." Huh? She realizes she's making no sense and is incapable of logic, and screams in frustration. She hyperventilates, trying to make her point, but Jose won't just let it go. Jose tells us, hysterically, that it's time he stood up for himself and stopped "blending into the background." Too late. Go pop a collar. He continues after Paula. She continues. By way of making sense, she says, "Johnny diverts his idocracy on the world, on other people." Tyler is cracking up silently as Paula continues to rail at Jose against John, saying that John slept at work. Jose laughs that he's just the assistant manager, and that makes Tyler laugh even harder, and Paula realizes that she's being laughed at, but continues, saying that John can kiss her ass. Now they're all just enjoying it. Tyler and Jose egg Paula on, telling her that she needs to go in the house and confront Zach about letting John get away with sleeping at the salon.