Previously on The Real World: Everyone met. Chris thought that Christina was "on fi-yah" because she had a body. I swear to God that's what he said. Adam told Leah that she "didn't have an iceberg's chance in hell with Ace." Because he wanted Ace's sweet hillbilly loving all for himself.
Eiffel Tower Shot Huit. Followed by Shot Neuf. Seriously, the editors are fucking with me, aren't they? Otherwise, why two Eiffel Tower shots right in a row? They want to see if I really know how to count in French. Except I do get a little fuzzy above ten, so maybe they're on to something there. The roommates are dancing in a club. Leah dances with Christina while Adam stares angrily into space. Leah ignores him. In a confessional, Leah and Mallory discuss how much Adam sucks. Leah says that in the past, when she's encountered people like Adam, she cuts them out of her life. Then she flips Adam off via the confessional camera. In another part of the club, Christina and Chris dance together. Mallory interviews that Christina digs Chris's body. Christina interviews that she thinks Chris has the best body in the house. Better than Simon's, even? Chris and Christina rub up against each other, and then there's this Xanadu-style neon outline thing and I don't know what that was supposed to signify.
The roommates are back at the house, standing around in the kitchen and discussing...men and women? I think? Christina tells the guys (minus Simon) that she would rather have Bruce Lee than Arnold Schwarzenegger any day. So she would take a dead guy over a really grody Republican with heart problems? Adam thinks "the bigger the better," so now we know he's a size queen. Christina says that's not necessarily true, and then admits that it's true in some areas, like the genital area, like the area including but not limited to the penis. She might not have been that explicit, but I wanted to make sure you got it. Christina adds that she would rather have ten minutes of total attention than a guy who talks about how hard he worked out. Why are those opposites? Like why can't she have a guy who works out and also pays attention to her? I guess that was supposed to be a shot at Chris, who is wearing a tank top like Steve Sanders. I get totally distracted by the grocery list written on the board behind Christina. Here's what is on the grocery list, in this order: champagne, chicken & salad, wine, beer, protein (tuna, beef, chicken, fish, cold cuts), trash bags, TP, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, hot sauce, wheat bread, butter, cereal, hair (?), and baguettes. That's quite a balanced diet.
Mallory and Leah walk in and Chris tells them to join the conversation. Basically, Christina is saying that she would accept a guy with a less-than-stellar body if he could hold a conversation. As would most adults over the age of twenty, I think. And many of them under twenty as well. I just don't see why this is even an argument. Christina tells the guys that they only care about the [bleep], and everyone laughs. Chris interviews that he thinks Christina is wilder than she lets on. Because she said [bleep]? I think that would make a lot more sense if it weren't bleeped out. He also thinks Christina won't be able to go without sex for four and a half months. Wow, what a personal sacrifice -- to be celibate for four and a half months. That would be a tragedy. Christina explains her egg theory, which is basically that someone who loves you will find out how you like your eggs, and make them for you in the morning, even if they prefer their eggs done differently. She really demands a lot from her boyfriends, doesn't she? I'm kidding. I would hope that she gets more out of her relationships than eggs for breakfast. Chris yells something that gets bleeped, but I think the gist was that Christina wouldn't break up with a guy who gave her the deep dicking over an Egg McMuffin. Everyone laughs and looks scandalized. Ace and Leah hug, as do Simon and Mallory. When did Simon get there? Christina says that if a guy would go to the trouble of learning how to make her eggs, he probably also knows how to do everything else.