Real World
Playin' at the Talent Show

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Playin' at the Talent Show

Little House in the Suburbs. Somewhere in New Jersey. Cut to interior. Andre's band -- named Reigndance, gak -- is practicing. The band talks about what songs to play, and then retreats to the basement.

Uh-oh, cheese it, it's the coppers. Apparently someone has called the taste police to shut down Andre and his band -- whoops, my mistake, I guess someone just complained about the noise. One of the cops makes a crack about them playing something quieter, like Frank Sinatra, and the camera cuts to Andre making a face like he smelled a used diaper. I will refrain from commenting on the comparison of Frank Sinatra's talent to Andre's. And while I'm in Grumpy-Old-Man mode, Andre -- cut your fucking hair!

Andre's interview. He makes a pretty funny joke about how he's still sick and he'd rather be sick than dead, because at least dead, he could get some sleep. So far Andre's interviews are enthralling. So enthralling that I have to keep poking myself with a sharp pencil to stay awake.

Eric's interview. He's talking about how cool Karen is, and how he likes hanging out with her, and how what he and she did (re: modeling session) "is past sexy, more than sexy."

Julie's interview. Eric woke her up and asked her to do a big favor and go buy dishwasher and laundry detergent because he couldn't. So Julie did so, thinking Eric had some big assignment, but when she got back, Eric and Karen were just hanging out, and that's how she got to meet Karen, when she was being a big housewife and doing dishes and washing laundry. Oooh. That's gotta hurt.

Eric and Karen go shopping at a store where it's all "rocker stuff." Karen goes around choosing various trashy items of clothing, including a pair of leather pants that have silver buttons down the fly and the sides of the pants and -- I kid you not -- a black shirt that laces up the chest and ties at the midriff. She makes Eric try it on. He looks like a pirate about to board the Good Ship Donna Summer. Eric talks about how it was "rocker stuff to the fullest!" Yes -- if the rockers in question are The Village People. Then he says how it was stuff he'd wear on a dirt bike. O-kay. Then he yaps some more about how it wasn't his style, but Karen liked it, and that's his job, to please the wimmens. My eyes roll back so far in my head they get stuck above my eyebrows.

Julie and Heather B. playing Scrabble. Julie's spelled out the word "cornfan." Heather is questioning her choice. Julie says, completely deadpan, "It's two things. Have you heard of like, the Cornhuskers?" Heather nods yes. Julie continues, "Well, their fans are just -- Cornfans." Heather starts cracking up. Julie says indignantly, "What? Or, have you seen those fans that are make out of corn husks? Those are cornfans!" Heather can't stop laughing. Julie says, "What, Heather -- I can't help it if you're not cultured!"

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