I wonder how many times the word "Puck" will be used in this recap. I'm sure they say the name about three hundred times this episode.
Puck's a Cancer. There's an understatement. Rachel reads Puck his horoscope. It tells him that there are many times he has to adapt in his life, but this is one of those times that he doesn't have to. Thank you, Rachel Foreshadowing.
Puck and Rachel are fighting through the security-camera view. Puck wants to know why she initiated their kiss. Rachel says that it's bullshit that she initiated it. She explains to us that they were hanging out all the time and she thought their friendship was "really cool." So, "on three occasions," they kissed. The trial of Puck and Rachel starts with this montage of Puck and Rachel flirting, kissing, hugging, showing each other the insides of their mouths. Rachel says that the kisses were an "extension" of their friendship. She never thought of him as a boyfriend. Puck says that Rachel was the one who came into his room to kiss him, so she's the one starting things. Cory is heartbroken as she tells us that she wasn't surprised to hear that Puck and Rachel had been kissing. Judd tells us that Rachel and Puck fight like an old married couple all the time. He says that they used to fight all the time and that it was "cool," but now they fight all the time and it's "not cool." Why is there a Judd again?
Puck and Rachel fight over how to clean a tub. Rachel dumps cleanser all over the tub and Puck tells her to stop. He says it's all going into the ocean. He tells her that if she used her arms to clean the tub, she might be able to open a jar every once in a while. Point for Puck. Rachel laughs, because she likes to play the dumb girl, and calls him a "little shit." He says that she's a little something else and walks out of the room in time for Rachel to tell us in a voice-over that she needs to meet more guys so that her life isn't so Puck-centric. She says that this will improve her friendship with Puck. I love that Rachel is obviously attracted to Puck but knows it's nasty to think so, and she hates that he brags that they mug down because she doesn't want anyone else to know that she likes Puck so she just fools around with him when nobody's looking and then tries to play it off like they're just friends when other people are around. Tease.
Puck invites rude friends over. They harass a dog. Rachel likes the one with long hair. His name is Damian. It takes forever here for Puck to be drunk, argue with Rachel, and then disturb the house. Puck tells us that he still likes Rachel, but that he's not going to take her crap just because every other guy she dates does. Rachel tells us that Damian is the most perfect guy of all of the guys she's met so far (three), and that she wants to date him because he has long hair and is nice. Apparently Puck told Damian to back the fuck away from Rachel. He tells us that he doesn't think Damian is good for Rachel and that she just flirts with any boy with long hair. We watch Rachel make that face she does where it looks like her eyelids are glued to the back of her head, all innocent and dumb, and she pets Damian's nasty-ass sweaty ponytail. Nice frock, Rachel. I think you forgot the bike shorts that go under that thing. Rachel explains: "Puck could never, like, treat me the way I want to be treated. And so, I mean, that's why we're best off to be friends. And that's why we are just friends." I bet it's hard to treat Rachel the way she wants to be treated.