Real World
Puffy's Dead!

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Puffy's Dead!

The Guitar of Why Bother Starting An Episode on Time When You Can Start It Three Minutes Early plays as Malik and Kevin walk down the street. Malik and Kevin walk into the house, and we keep flashing to Nicole, who is wearing an extremely pink outfit. Hmm. I wonder what Nicole is thinking, just standing there in her pink outfit. Maybe the soundtrack could offer a clue. What are the lyrics? "I don't like anyone in the world. I don't care if they don't like me." See, the Bunim-Murray employees are not just editors and producers and such. They are also mind readers. Maybe that somehow explains why Lindsey from Seattle is on the latest Miss Cleo commercial. No, nothing explains that.

Malik continues walking around the house. Nicole continues ignoring him. Nicole voice-overs that she's not going to pretend to be friends with someone who talks behind her back. In an interview, Malik says that he and Nicole aren't talking at all, which helps to "perpetuate an uncomfortable environment." You know, I thought the "I'm not talking to you" defense went out in the third grade. There are people I don't like but with whom I unfortunately have to come into contact from time to time. I don't passive-aggressively throw my nose up in the air and walk away. Because I'm an adult. If I'm truly convinced that I could never work out my problems with this person, I just treat him or her in a civil manner, because I think that doing anything else is just trying to call attention to yourself and saying, "Look at me! I've got a problem!"

That night, Lori and Quarrel discuss the fact that during the Casting Special, Nicole and Malik would have given anything to be on the same show, and now they are, and they don't talk. In an interview, Quarrel says, "It's a shame that there are already people who aren't speaking to each other." Quarrel points out that Malik would talk to Nicole, so the whole thing is kind of Nicole's doing. Cut to Nicole wiping her hands on a towel, and then Malik lying in bed with a towel (a different towel, I assume) over his eyes. So. Nicole. Malik. Not talking. Got it.

Nicole talks to one of the fishes in the tank. Apparently, she has named this fish "Puff Daddy" because he has these gigantic balloon-like puffy things attached to his gills or cheeks or whatever fish have. In a confessional, Nicole says that you probably shouldn't get attached to fish, but this one was so "charismatic." A fish? "Charismatic"? Okay. On the phone, Nicole tells her friend Bobby that all of the fish have rap names. She lists off some of them, "Puffy, Biggie, Snoop, Lauryn Hill, Jay-Z, J.Lo." Bobby asks who feeds the fish. Nicole answers that Malik used to do it, but that he was killing them, so she took over that job. In an interview, Nicole claims that you have to talk to the fish and sing to them, and that she and Rachel are the only ones who care about the fish. Boy, Nicole sure cares about those fish. I hope that none of them die or anything. Do fish live for a long time?

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Real World

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