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Rebecca Got Back

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Rebecca Got Back

God, isn't this season over yet? No? Sigh. Damn Wing Chun and her "great idea" to recap past seasons of this show. And as Janet would say, "Fuck me for being so easily influenced." Hey, are those enough swear words in the first paragraph for you? Hell, no! ["Shut the fuck up and get to recapping, muthafucka. Just getting in the spirit!" -- Wing Chun]

Nathan is speaking on a microphone at some concert, running a contest of some sort. Later, he's talking to various women. In an interview, Janet tells us that Nathan is "a big hornball." Wow, thank you for telling me that. In an interview, Nathan says that there is "temptation in Seattle," that there is "temptation everywhere," that he's human, and that he "has flesh." Except it's captioned that he said that he's "half-flesh," which would be far more interesting. Have I mentioned that I totally forgot about Stephanie, Nathan's annoying girlfriend? So I guess he's not the only one.

Nathan and David walk home from a bar. Nathan is still talking about temptation. Maybe he should have hosted Temptation Island. He couldn't have been worse than Mark "Tool" Walberg. Nathan claims that he could have "one night of bliss with some hot-assed model," but that it would ruin a lifetime of bliss with Stephanie. And doesn't Nathan think highly of himself, that he could get a model? Sadly, he probably could, what with the cameras and all. David ask Nathan whether he gets "a cool feeling" when he says "'us' and 'we'" in reference to Stephanie and himself. Nathan drunkenly slurs that when he talks about his future and what he wants to do, he thinks about Stephanie. It's kind of sad to recap these episodes in retrospect, because I know that they broke up. But not that sad. Oh, it only gets worse, though. In an interview, Nathan says that this is "the test of all tests for a relationship," and that if they "make it through this, [they'll] make it through anything." Aw. Nathan tells David that he loves Stephanie, and that he misses a face she'll make when he says something funny. I don't know. They're drunk.

Okay, I thought the Space Needle thing was bad, but the transportation thing is getting pretty ridiculous as well. They just showed a tugboat pulling another boat that had a bulldozer on it. I kid you not. I think the editors are fucking with me. Somehow. Retroactively. I mean, was it a coincidence that the guy who interviewed me for the Tenth Anniversary Special was the same guy who produced this season? I think not! They sabotaged my tape. I'm sorry. It's 2:00 AM and I'm starting to get paranoid. Anyway. Nathan is on the phone with Stephanie. Hello, Hip, Squiggly Font. Good to see you again, old friend. Stephanie asks whether it's possible to change plane reservations, because she wants to come out the next day. Nathan laughs and quickly calculates how many dates he'll have to cancel. In an interview, Nathan says that Stephanie is coming out to visit, and that he can't wait, because he hasn't been himself since she hasn't been around. So I guess he's normally monogamous, then? On the phone, Stephanie sighs that she's "so ready for the next step." Nathan is, too. Just to make sure they're talking about the same thing, Stephanie says she's ready to get married. Nathan non-sequiturs something about staying in Seattle and finishing his degree at the University of Washington. Stephanie tells him that he can't, and that he has to finish up at VMI. Which, if I recall correctly, he never did. Also, way to be a supportive girlfriend. Stephanie says that there are two things that she'll "punch him in the face" for: the first is not getting his degree, and the second is "if it goes beyond flirting." I guess Nathan is in for a beating. I, for one, can't wait. Stephanie says that she was talking to one of her friends about learning how to throw a punch. Now that's trust. Nathan pulls the phone away from his face and makes a "the hell?" expression.

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