Real World
Regaining The Pace

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Marathon Man

Hey all you prisoners, bored cubicle jockeys, the infirm, and assorted masochists who just can't let go of the years that The Real World was actually semi-good and kinda relevant! Thanks for sticking by while I was gone for the last two weeks. And a huge thanks to Lauren S. for masterfully subbing. I'll try not to depart again. Let's ride out the rest of this giant sinking cruise ship together!

Previously on...Paula and Svet talk about how Jose is an automaton, and they hope one day he busts out of his creepy, collar-poppin', titty-hatin' shell. John and Tyler fight in the kitchen about Tyler's selfishness and general Tyler-tude. Tyler tells us that he constantly needs to be challenged and as we get to watch him jogging, we learn that he's getting into "the sport of triathlons." Minus the bike part. Because old men shouldn't ride bikes.

Opening. Theme. Poem. Jose carries a spear. Paula tries not to pass out. John takes a wave to the balls. Zach fishes for more money for him and his evil Jew cabal to run the world with (right, Mel?). Ass. Logo. Melanoma.

House. House. Day. Terrible statue. Tyler bitchily informs us that he's planning on running a marathon in West Palm. He tells us that it's 26.2 miles, and thankfully does not go on to give us any more trivia about things like the Greek Battle of Marathon, or how many marathon runners shit themselves. He does, however, in total seriousness, say, "It's probably one of the most arduous athletic endeavors for an athlete to partake." Hee. Apparently, so is the English language. Jose asks Tyler if he's ready. "I will be," he says without looking up. Oh god I hope he shits himself.

Day. Street. Tyler runs. Tyler runs. Seagulls fly off in horror as Tyler approaches. Running. Running. Shirtless running. The seagulls fly. Tyler voices over that he hasn't been training because of the hurricane. Ha, right. Well at least he didn't blame his being out of shape on 9/11. He says that while some lesser athletes train for up to a year for a marathon, he feels it's something he just needs to do. Huh? Pelicans. Tyler runs. A bus misses him. Boo.

Tyler calls his friend Scottie and tells him that he's nervous about the marathon, and Scottie calls him out on the reason why: because he hasn't trained at all. Scottie reminds him not to "go out too fast," which is something Tyler learned running the Boston marathon. Tyler goes on to brag how painful the Boston marathon was and how doctors "don't allow" people to run more than two marathons a year because of how it damages your body. I think fucking a creepy Russian boy in the hot tub has the potential to damage your body even more than that, if you know what I'm sayin'. Tyler says that the sense of accomplishment is beyond compare. Scottie wants Tyler to just "suck it up and do it." Oh, don't you worry. Tyler's good at that.

Car. Night. Janelle drives Jose around. She camera-bitches that she thinks Jose is a really nice guy but she just wishes he would occasionally step out of the shadows. She tells him as much, and he says that it's hard to get a lot of face time when everyone in the house is so over-the-top and that he finds them stressful. Join the club, Jose. She encourages him to step "out." Yeah, Jose. We all really are waiting for you to come out. Really. It's okay. We know already. We really do. Just come out already.

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