Real World
Save the Drama for Your Mama

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Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
Save the Drama for Your Mama

Brynn walks down the hall wearing a one-shouldered dress with her hair up in multiple knots. She tells Arissulan (it's just easier to type than both names) that she was just standing there and Steven started calling her names. Frank tells Emily (if that is even whom he's still talking to) that he has to go. Because there is gossip to be had, and Frank must sniff it out! Frank walks out and encounters Steve and Trishelle first. Here's Steven's explanation of the incident: "Frank, did you hear what happened? She comes in here, she's like, 'Why are you laughing?' And then she just went off, she's like, 'I just don't like you,' and I was like, 'What? What are your reasons?'" At this point, Steven seems to be kind of laughing it off. And since I have no idea what he just said, I don't know if that's an appropriate reaction. Brynn tells Arrisulan that Steve called her a bitch, so she got in his face and told him not to do that. He persisted in calling her stupid, so she threw a fork and hit him in the arm. She threw a what? A fork? Are you fucking kidding me? I burst out laughing at this point, and really didn't stop until the end of the episode, because it was just all so fucking ridiculous.

Alton tells someone that Brynn threw a fork. Well, I'm glad Alton saw it, since they didn't get it on camera. At least we have a fairly neutral and impartial observer. In an interview, Alton says that Brynn threw a fork, and that it hit Steve in the arm. But it could have hit him in the face! Or the eye! Or it could have gotten stuck in his nostril! Or what if it stuck in one of his fingers and then he got gangrene and had to get his finger amputated, and what if it wasn't even a less important finger like the ring finger but it was a really important one, like the pointer? I mean, really. And then the fucking best part is that the camera does a close-up. Of the fork. On the ground. The only thing that would have been better is if they had revived the train-crossing signal from the Seattle season to signify craziness and then had some dramatic music every time they showed the fork. I think B/M needs to hire the editors from Big Brother. At least they knew how to laugh at the contestants sometimes. Alton claims that Brynn "threw that fork with some malice [sic] force" and then there's a triple close-up of the fork. It's like, "Some! Malice! Force! FORK!" Hee. Also, "malice force"? Isn't Alton supposed to be the academian?

Brynn says that she wasn't even aiming at Steve's head, and that she just hit him in the arm. Steven is suddenly all pissed off when he was practically laughing two minutes ago, and he yells that no one needs to touch anyone. Alton says he told Brynn that she assaulted Steve. No, that would have been if she hit him over the head with the spice rack. Get it? A-salt-ed? Ah, forget it. Arissulan escort Brynn back into the suite as Brynn cries that she can't believe Steven is threatened by her. Steven tells someone that he can't talk to Brynn like a normal human being because she won't have it. Irulan advises Brynn not to go inside as they stand outside the door and listen. Steven is still yelling that Brynn singled him out, as he walks over to the door, apparently not knowing that Brynn is standing just outside of it. He opens the door and everyone starts yelling. Okay, this is the second best moment of the episode after the close-up on the fork. Steven tries to slam the door in Brynn's face, but it's got one of those air-pressure things on it so it can't actually slam, so he kind of throws it forward and Brynn cringes and then it just slowly hisses closed. I couldn't make this stuff up. You can see him thinking, "Oh, yeah! Well, I'll slam this...oh, for fuck's sake." Suddenly, the door opens again and Brynn bursts through. Steven starts calling her names, most of which get bleeped. Brynn runs at Steven and tells him to bleep off. Arissa gets between them, but Brynn still manages to shove Steven backward. Irulan grabs Brynn's arms and pulls her back while Arissa backs Steven up. Those two could be bouncers in a club. Steven calls Brynn a "slutty tramp bitch," and he says that he may be a bleeping slut, but she's a bleep. Irulan manages to pull Brynn away and Trishelle follows. Steven yells after her, "What? What? You going to bleeping hit me again? You laid your hand on me three times you little stupid tramp. You bleeping whore!" Actually, they don't even bleep it. They just cut the sound. I like the bleeps better. Also, Steven has some serious issues. I mean, Brynn has issues too, but those words coming out of Steven's mouth are, to me, way worse than a forking and a shove.

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