The roommates arrive in Paris. Eiffel Tower Shot Deux. Mallory sighs that the city is so beautiful. Eiffel Tower Shot Trois. Simon and Mallory hug and Mallory says she's going to stick with him. Simon kisses her head and tells her to stick with him and Leah. Mallory interviews that it's great that they are all together at the club. Simon interviews that they are all dressed up and ready to have fun. They go to a club called "Le Paris," which seems a bit unimaginative. Adam promises to make sure that Ace gets home. And by "home," he means, "into my bed." Christina interviews that she loves Paris at night, and that she could care less about the language and what other people think. At a club, the roommates sit around and drink. And dance. As you do. Suddenly, Christina is up on the bar, dancing. Chris points her out to the others. Chris interviews that they are "all ready to bug out." Leah joins Christina on the bar. Chris yells at them to take it off. Leah points at Ace and dances "seductively." Chris interviews that "Leah has been sweating Ace" and that she doesn't care if Ace knows it, because "she wants him bad." Leah tells Ace that she wants to bite his butt while he's sleeping. What? When did this turn into a David Lynch movie? It's like they took what she actually said, and then translated it into French and then back into English, because what? Ace says he's never had his ass bitten before. I'm so shocked by this conversation that I totally missed that the editors have gone back to the Dreaded Comic Sans Font of Captioning for this conversation. Leah says that she has to kiss him first. Ace says he won't kiss a smoker. Ace interviews that smoking is his biggest turnoff, and that the smell disgusts him. And he owns three bars? Cut to Leah, smoking. And telling Ace to fuck off. No, not the second part.
Christina hails a cab. Wait, there are cabs? So why did everyone have to walk from the center of town to their house with the luggage and all? Adam and Ace hang back. Ace says he's not sure if Leah is being serious with the flirting. Adam thinks that Leah is drunk, but that she's also serious. Ace confesses that he's in love with a girl from home, and that he thinks he wants to marry her. Adam is all, "Oh, Ace!" like he's disappointed that Ace wants to get married. Hmm. Ace interviews that he was dating Katie before he left, and that they didn't really discuss the status of their relationship, so he's scared to do anything that might ruin it. Adam interviews that he "envies Ace to the fullest" and is "looking for what Ace apparently has right now." Yes, Adam is definitely looking for what Ace has, if you know what I mean. Adam interviews that Ace is "willing to forego opportunities here in Paris" for this girl. Adam and Ace get their own cab for some reason. Adam says that he's digging Mallory. Ace thinks Adam just likes Mallory because she's unattainable. Why is she unattainable? I mean, besides the obvious reason that Adam is not very attractive and kind of a jerk. Adam interviews that he just wants to get to know Mallory more. Ace says that Mallory is a virgin, young, and pretty, and that she's not interested in any of the roommates. Ace concludes that Adam wants what he can't have. And then a big neon sign appears with an arrow pointing to Ace and it reads, "What Adam Wants (But Can't Have)" Or it would if I were editing the show.