Real World
She Puts The "Rachel" In "Cocktease"

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Be All The Pussboy That You Can Be

Rachel then camera-flabs that she can't believe Lacey, and that she's like a snake to her. To us, too. And to, like, snakes.

Erik is getting more and more bold, saying that Rachel is a "cocktease," and that it's fucked up. Lacey ends by saying Erik needs to do what is good for him, because Rachel has certainly been doing what's good for her. You know what's good for me? Commercials.

Back. Night. Austin. Downtown. PF Chang. Rachel and Erik wait for a seat at the popular crap ChinaChain. Rachel tries to bust Erik, getting all, "The house has no doors," admitting that she heard him talking to Lacey. Erik replies calmly that he had to talk to someone. Ooh, burn? Rachel says that Mac Tonight is the person she's least close to in the house. Rachel camera-snots that Lacey is trying to cause problems, but that she doesn't want to confront her because she knows she'll lie. Now Rachel is getting all pouty as Erik says that Lacey had a lot of good points -- and they leave, without having eaten giant portions of sub-par MSG-riddled Chinese food. Wow. Rachel may make a good machine-gun partner, but as a girlfriend, not so good.

Outside. Rachel starts huffing and crying, talking a mile a minute about how she doesn't want Erik to think she doesn't love him just because she has to get "stuff" out of her system, or discredit everything she's felt just by listening to "stupid Lacey." So let me understand this: Rachel teases Erik with the promise of lots of sex in order to get him to come and bring their awful dog for a visit, but then doesn't want to have sex once he gets there. And then doesn't want him to get mad about not having sex. And then she doesn't want to discuss whether they have a future. And then also she doesn't want him to discuss it with anyone else. Yeah, no, that's cool. She's not asking much. Totally within her rights.

Suddenly, Erik and Rachel are sitting under a tree and Rachel asks what they are going to "be" and says that she doesn't want to talk about it again after this night. This is probably the ninth time in this episode where Erik should get up and walk away. But instead, he says it sounds like it's up to her. She says she doesn't want to hurt him while she does what she has to go do (which is...?), so would it hurt less for them to be on a break or to be "just friends" for the next two months? Slap her. Slap her! Rachel camera-double-chins her exact level of immaturity, saying that she isn't in love with Erik anymore but doesn't want to lose him while she cats around. She wants her pussboy and not have to eat it too. Or something like that. I guess they've chosen to split for now because he says that, three days ago, he thought they were going to get married, and now they're split up. He whines that Reese has "divorced parents." Rachel says they're just "separated." I vomit.

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Real World

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