Real World
Shut UP, Dan!

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Alex Richmond: D | Grade It Now!
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Shut UP, Dan!

Dusk. Inside their beautiful house, Cyn warns Melissa, "Love makes a fool out of you every time." Wow, this actually sounds interesting. Then we get a montage of Cyn explaining that Trevor is the only man she's ever loved, and how she'll "never go back to Trevor," then dialing the phone and being told to call back "Monday" as an arrow points to the phone and reads "Trevor," and a montage of Cyn lying around the house looking sad-faced as Radiohead sings their "don't leave me hiiiiigh! Don't leave me dryyyy!" song, and once again, Bunim-Murray has taken all the subtlety and pathos right out of a situation and turned it into a Punch and Judy show with twentysomethings and top 40 hits. Then, Cyn talks to a makeup-less Melissa (she still looks pretty!) saying how she "gets let down every time," by Trevor, adding, "My eyes are open -- I am seeing this." Melissa does that rah-rah thing saying, "You gotta let him go, girl!" But it's never that easy; that's the thing.

Cut to Dan running around inside the offices of Ocean Drivel magazine, which he calls "an excellent next step" in his career, I guess. One might even call it a first step, but whatever. Dan must have bigger fish to fry than glossy editorial fish, or something. In a meeting, the magazine people talk about some modeling agencies' "volleyball-palooza" event in which they want to try to promote the magazine. First off, how played is the whole adding "palooza" onto things? Even in 1996? And second of all, why does Dan get an enormous grin on his face at doing some kind of promotional activity? Because it has to do with modeling agencies, that's why. Glamour. He wants to sparkle. At home, Dan goes on and on about how he had to call "Kate Moss's people, Christy Turlington's people, Calvin Klein Studios...If I gave a damn, this would be really cool!" Like you don't, Dan. Cyn tells us Dan's head is really swelling and Melissa complains about having to hear about his job "24/7." Dan concludes his braggery with, "and with this on my résumé? Mmm. Mmm!" Good. For you, Dan.

Montage of Dan running around with an Ocean Drivel guy handing out volleyballs to all the big modeling agencies in town. Hmm, I wonder why they brought Dan along on this trip? Could it be the cameras? Nooo. The guy with Dan is totally smarmy, actually saying "Darling!" as he kisses people hello, and to Dan, "Time to go kiss ass." Inside one agency, Dan gets signed up. "It all happened so fast!" he explains to the cameras. "I was in one runway show before which didn't even count because it was in a shopping mall." Oh BOY, what a hypocrite. He wanted this all along! The guy at the agency says, "Welcome to Oz," while the smarmy guy says reverently, "The making of a star!" Excuse me, in the world of male modeling, there are no stars, just dudes that work. Dan doesn't even like work. So this won't work. Got it?

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Real World

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