Real World
Slitting Throats

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Slitting Throats

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was the new show on MTV called My Super Sweet 16, which chronicles some ridiculously oversized party given by teenage girls. So there have been two episodes so far, but the most awesome one was definitely the "coming-out party" given by two girls named Jacqueline and Lauren. So Jacqueline, a Kristin Davis lookalike, is both beautiful and sweet, if a bit spoiled. And Lauren is a total diva and bitch. And clearly completely jealous of her friend. This was best exemplified by a sequence where Saks Fifth Avenue shut down an entire floor to accommodate their dress-shopping trip, and Jacqueline tried on dress after dress and looked awesome in all of them, while Lauren just creepily stared at her and looked pissed off. So finally Jacqueline settles on this black BCBG minidress, and Lauren goes and finds almost the same dress and announces that she's going to buy it. The fuck? Bitch is crazy. And they were getting way too much enjoyment out of handing out their invitations to an exclusive seven-hundred-person list, and apparently people ended up scalping invitations and trying to forge VIP passes. And these ballsy twelve-year-old girls tried to bluff their way in, which was pretty awesome. Oh! And I forgot to mention that they charged money to get in! How fucking tacky is that! They claimed they were giving the money "to breast cancer" (Breast Cancer says thanks!), but that's like charging a cover at your wedding or something. And the editors made sure we understood the disparity between Lauren and Jacqueline by showing their preparations for the party; Lauren bitched at her father (who was paying for the party) and took cell-phone calls while getting her makeup done and hair extensions put in, while Jacqueline went for a jog with her cousins and practiced the piano. So the night of the party, Pauly Shore showed up. Of course he did! What else does he have to do? And he totally hit on the birthday girls. And then the band started playing and people started moshing, and Jacqueline got dragged into it and got punched in the face. At the end of the night, Jacqueline was happy and walked around and thanked everyone, including the cops, while Lauren just bitched that it was nothing special and her feet hurt. And it was awesome.

The next morning, Sarah is excited to see that the storm has passed and the sun is out. Landon and Shavonda hang out together on the beach. Landon interviews that it's so beautiful, and that you just want to share it with someone you care about. Landon and Shavonda wade in the shallows as Karamo looks on intensely. Willie and Sarah decide to take the kayaks out. Shavonda joins them. They tie the kayaks to a raft and lay out. Sarah and Shavonda take their tops off. MJ and Landon grab another kayak and paddle out. Shavonda interviews that they just came out to see Shavonda's boobies, like, love yourself much? Shavonda interviews that she was trying to play it cool, but that she knew Landon was watching her. Landon interviews that he wouldn't mind seeing her boobs. Didn't he get to do more than see them the previous night? Shavonda sits up, and everyone glances over as she giggles.

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Real World

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