It's a little confusing: apparently, the kids aren't shutting down their salon after all. Rather, they're going on a vacation to Spain. There, Svet is mad and bored and fighting with Martin on the phone. John meets a hot blonde German tourist and gives her the schnitzel back at the hotel. Svet fights some more with Martin, which she lets ruin her night. In Barcelona, Tyler hysterically relives his Olympic dreams from childhood. The kids flamenco dance, and Svet gets into a slightly better mood. But then she's sad again when she overhears the kids talking about her. Aw.
Previously on...Tyler listened in on Svet complaining to Momski; yelled at both women. Janelle made Svet cry with her bitchiness and eye make-up. Bossman Ricky Croft told the stunned kids that they have to close Mystic Tan.
Most importantly. I would just like to begin by giving a little prayer for our own little Paula Ann Meronek, who, this week, was arrested when she allegedly bit Keith (AKA John Alyward) in a drunken domestic dispute. Congratulations on your relationship and recovery! Happy to see that it's going so swimmingly. (Also, I think that it's great that you're eating again, even if it is human flesh. Bravo.)
Key West. Key West. Aerial shot. Key West. Salon. Outside, the kids gather around the SIDEKICK! to listen as Bossman Ricky Croft tells the kids that they're going to have to shut down the salon. The kids are stunned. He goes on to say -- and this shit we didn't see last episode -- that they have to close...because as of Tuesday no one will be around to mind the store. Then the kids all smile and ask why. Janelle gets an excited look on her face that is so extreme that there is no way she's not mocking this entire process. Or the silicone has traveled to her brain. So Bossman Ricky Croft says that it's because they'll be going on their "well-deserved vacation." Okay, now wait a fucking minute. The cliffhanger of the last episode led us to believe that they were shutting down the salon because of water damage from the hurricane. But in truth now we learn it was all a big jokey set-up to revealing their vacation? Oh, Bunim-Murray, you are an evil, dark beast. Now is that honoring "the essence of what happened?" I think not, sirs. Some of the other kids act overly-excited, and now I'm sure that they're all just taking the piss. They ask where they're going, and Bossman Ricky Croft plugs STA TRAVEL! and says that that company will let them know where they're going soon. The kids act loonily excited about STA TRAVEL! Tyler camera-talks -- getting an extra fifty dollars from B/M by plugging STA TRAVEL! -- that wherever STA TRAVEL! sends them, he'll embrace with his big gay open arms. Man, this product integration thing is fucking seamless! I hope it never stops. It really enhances my viewing experience.
Key West. Key West. Aerial shots. They're really using that rented helicopter for all it's worth. A seagull caws. Outdoor restaurant. Janelle and Tyler continue taking the piss, telling the confused bartender in Pollyanna voices that they're going to Egypt or Morocco or Brazil! "Or Australia!" says Janelle. "No," says Tyler. Heh. Meanwhile, Svet is pacing back and forth alone. Sad music lets us know that she's sad. Then she herself does, saying that when you're not getting along with your roommates, it doesn't matter where you travel..."even if it's space!" Also, you have to be smart to be an astronaut, so that's not really going to be an option for you.