Real World

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Kim: B- | Grade It Now!

The next morning, Randy's bed is empty. Robin apparently returned to her own bed at some point. Robin asks Frankie, "So I got in a fight with Randy?" Frankie says she did. Robin asks if this was before or after she decided to take her clothes off. Frankie says it was before. Robin chuckles. Frankie interviews that she doesn't think Randy and Robin will ever have a relationship, and that if Robin weren't a drama queen, she would know that. What? Did Frankie just call someone else a drama queen? Okay, Robin is totally a drama queen. But so is Frankie! Robin says that this shit doesn't happen at home.

Brad and Jacquese ask Randy what he's going to do. Randy says he won't put himself in that position again. Jacquese doesn't think it matters, because now that he's turned Robin down, she will want him even more. Oh, for crying out loud. Shut up, Jacquese. Just because you live with ridiculous, stupid women doesn't mean we're all like that. Dawg. Brad thinks it will be "a jump-in-the-bed attack." Jacquese says that Randy turned down "the oral attack" (and I think he means Robin's words, know) so Robin decides to see if he was "weak for the flesh." Jacquese interviews that Randy is doing the right thing. Jacquese advises Randy not to be weak to the flesh. Randy says that's easier said than done. Brad concludes that Randy has won the battle, but not the war, and suddenly the military drum cadence that's been playing in the background for the whole scene makes a lot more sense.

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. I watched one of my favorite movies. When did I decide that Mommie Dearest might be the most awesome movie ever made? Was it during the opening scene when Joan Crawford plunges her face into a bowl of ice? Was it in the aftermath of the infamous "wire hanger" scene when Joan forces little Christina to scrub the bathroom floor in the middle of the night? Was it right after that, when Christina's brother Christopher offers to help her clean up and she tells him to strap himself back into bed? Was it the strangely titillating scene when Christina makes out with a boy in a stable? Was it when Christina yells, "Because I am NOT one of your FANS!" and then Joan tries to strangle her and the magazine reporter discovers them? Was it when I was wondering what exactly was the deal between Joan and her assistant, Carol Ann, who totally had battered-wife syndrome? Was it when Joan told the Pepsi Board of Directors, "Don't fuck with me, fellas! It's not my first time at the rodeo," which I am totally making into my new catchphrase? Although all of those moments (and more) were awesome, I think I realized it in the closing moments of the film, after Joan Crawford has died, and Christina and Christopher gather for the reading of her will. Joan leaves her two children nothing, and says that they know why she did it. Grown-up Christopher (played by a really young Xander Berkeley!) chuckles ruefully and says that Joan always has the last word. And Christina turns to the camera and dramatically says, "Does she? [twenty minute pause] Does she?" Because then Christina went on to write the tell-all book upon which the film was based. And it was awesome.

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Real World




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