Back from commercial, they rewind a little bit so the stage manager says, "Four! Three!" again, and we see a really long shot of the NOA-TV logo, like this must be what they got in return for letting these idiots wreak havoc at their station. Kelley comes on and says some stuff about welcoming, but I get distracted because there is a huge seam in the background right behind her head, like, nice set design, Matt. That's not TOO distracting, or anything. Kelley says that they "took it upon [themselves]" to get footage around New Orleans to give the viewers some insight into their personalities. She concludes, "So meet your new seven best friends!" Klunk. That statement just went over like a lead balloon. I wrote better copy than that for the mock newscast we did in the second grade. And Kelley thinks this is going to land her a talk show? Another problem with the set design: Right behind David there is a huge wooden frame that, maybe, is supposed to be a window, or it might just be a wooden pallet, like someone made a delivery and then forgot to break down the pallet afterwards. It really could be either one.
The "Five Questions" footage begins with Matt breakdancing down the street, and even thousands of miles away, and months after the fact, I can still hear the residents of New Orleans laughing at this footage. Matt says he wants to provide a "spirited insight into young pop culture." Pop culture, like breakdancing? Also, this is more personality than Matt has shown all season. Melissa is up next, and she says that her favorite book is The Yeast Connection and The Woman. I get all skeeved out because I think she's talking about yeast infections, and why would you do that in your introduction on a television show. But it turns out she's talking about how her body breaks down starches and it causes migraines or something. Kelley says (again!) that she wants to model herself after Oprah because she thinks Oprah has affected thousands of people's lives and if she can "impact even one person that way," she will have done her job. Okay, enough with the Oprah. And second of all, please never, ever use "impact" as a verb like that again. ["God, WORD! What was so wrong with the word 'affect'?" -- Wing Chun] Julie's footage says that her favorites are "Romeo and Juliet and boys with spiky hair," and then everyone in the studio turns and points at Matt and makes the third-grade "Oooooh!" noise you used to make in the cafeteria when someone dropped their lunch tray, and then some wiseacre would always say, "Where's the fire?" Well, they don't, but they should have.