But then the cutest thing happens. Jacinda trains the dog to hold the hem of one of her long, flowing skirts in his mouth. She runs around while Legend basically glides along the wood floor. Awww! Lars chimes in with some more to say about Jacinda's lack of dog-owning skills. Finally Jacinda has an interview. She complains the roommates aren't being supportive about her dog. "I don't care," she voice-overs, while we see her bonding with Legend. "I love him." Jacinda, I am begging you to develop a little perspective here. You have a boyfriend who doesn't poop on the floor and a dog who does. Who is it that you love?

B-Roll of London at night. Sharon, Mike, and Lars go clubbing. Sharon points out that there's a "queue" at the club they want to go to. Mike corrects her and tells her that there is, in fact, a "line" at the club they want to go to. Will someone please shoot him? In the head? Mike then complains that there aren't any American girls around, and declares that he wants to know where he can find some "clean-cut American girls." Lo and behold, Mike runs into a girl named Buffy who looks like someone who'd go to Skidmore -- and even then, her parents probably had to pull some strings with the admissions people and promise to buy a plaque in the student center. Buffy is such a loser. I mean, duh, she's talking to Mike, but she's totally hanging on his every word and laughing at his jokes like she's having an epileptic seizure. Check out the following dialogue. And keep in mind that this is a documentary, not a cheesy TV show where people say shit like this.

Buffy: I can read you like a book already!
Mike: So what's on page, uh, twenty-seven?
Buffy: Page twenty-seven is a guy who used to be shy, who broke out of his shell sometime like sophomore year of high school. Am I right?

Mike slaps his forehead like he's in the presence of a psychic who just guessed his social security number. "She said something that was, like, right out of my past!" says Mike in an interview. Wow, she must be psychic. Next thing you know, she'll tell him he graduated from high school after his senior year. Then she makes him dance with her, which is so painful to watch. I'd rather be watching Legend's paper-training or lack thereof. But nothing is quite as horrifying as witnessing Buffy teach Mike how to say, "[Bleep] me hard on the stairs" in French. What's French for "kill me now and erase my memory"?