Real World
The Dog, the Slag, The Wuss, the Supermodel, and the Dubious Hookup

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The Dog, the Slag, The Wuss, the Supermodel, and the Dubious Hookup

A shot of Attention Deficit Manor from the outside and the sound of a phone ringing. It's Paul, Jacinda's boyfriend, the most pussy-whipped male ever. Jacinda takes the call wearing a tan ankle-length skirt, a t-shirt, and a scarlet waistcoat. Even I have to admit she looks adorable in a casual, comfortable kind of way. She explains in a voice-over that she's been with Paul five months, while she tells Paul over the phone to stop being so glum. "I love you many, many big times," says Paul -- whose first language is, in fact, English, contrary to what you might think based on the construction of that last remark. He's just being cute and submissive. Jacinda goes on to explain in a voice-over that she's been busy adapting to her situation in London, but Paul -- who has never visited -- isn't part of that. In the living room, Mike (who is unfortunately "part of that") asks Jacinda when Paul's going to visit her. Jacinda says she doesn't know -- but in a really bored tone, as though Mike just asked her what kind of twine she used to bundle up the newspaper for recycling. Jacinda may possess many irritating qualities, but codependence is not one of them. She is hardly a woman who "loves too much."

Oh, and Jacinda's taking flying lessons. We see her flying in a two-person plane with an instructor. Whatever. She explains that she's always loved airplanes, and that she loves being "up there." "It's one of the one hundred things I've meant to do, and now I get to do it," she says. Now that your modeling career has hit the skids, right?

Back at the house, the phone rings. It's Paul, and he's planning a visit. Jacinda might as well be talking to a telemarketer, she is so unenthusiastic about seeing her boyfriend. She even explains in an interview that she told Paul she's not sure how she'll feel when he gets there. "I love you," Paul tells Jacinda on the phone. Jacinda is all, "No! you tell me that every time!" And I know how she feels. Photogenic twenty-year-old men with perfect teeth tell me that constantly, and it's really starting to grate on my nerves.

Mike, always the sensitive one, asks Jacinda whether Paul is "the man, or just the dude [she's] nailing now." Well obviously, Mike, Jacinda isn't "nailing" Paul now because he's in France and I doubt his penis is long enough to cross the English Channel and penetrate her. I mean, if it were, I think she'd be a little more excited to hear from him. Jacinda says she doesn't know, and asks Mike about his love life. I guess she's got a few spare seconds before her next flight lesson. Mike admits that he was in love once, but "she was a bitch like they all are." Mike, I know that the breakup was painful, but I'm sure your right hand meant well and tried very hard to make things work, okay? Oh, wait -- he's talking about a biological woman, and apparently he walked in on her with one of his good friends. Michael had friends back in the States? Jacinda keeps asking about this girl, and learns that Mike was with her nine months. I guess that's how long it took for her to figure out that there was some bad-haired freak to whom she said "hi" once breaking into her dorm room and stealing her underwear. "Now I like to go out and have a good time and whatever happens happens," says Mike. I guess by "happens," Mike is referring to the she-males he hits on or the girls that kick him in the balls when he says "hello" to them.

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Real World

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