Real World
The Dog, the Slag, The Wuss, the Supermodel, and the Dubious Hookup

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Gustave: C- | Grade It Now!
The Dog, the Slag, The Wuss, the Supermodel, and the Dubious Hookup

"It seemed like she wanted a dog like a little girl wants a Barbie," says Lars in a continuation of the interview. This is the most intelligent thing I've heard Lars say all season. We see Jacinda at the pet store, honing in on a puppy. I don't, to be perfectly honest, know what the breed is, but it's white with black and tan patches, and hairy as opposed to furry. The pet-store lady -- who seems to see what Jacinda is all about -- insists that Jacinda think very hard about making such a huge commitment. Jacinda is all, "Yeah, whatever," and leaves the store with Paul in tow, presumably to think it over. Paul totally encourages Jacinda to get the dog, although he does outline the realities of doing so. A few minutes later, they're back at the store; Jacinda buys the dog and a bunch of other dog accessories. Paul really enjoys picking out stuff to buy for the dog. Jacinda whines about how expensive the dog is. Like, why couldn't she have gone to the pound? I mean, you'd think Bunim-Murray would have creamed in their collective pants if Jacinda had visited a pet shelter and learned something relevant about stray animals or something.

Jacinda names her puppy "Legend," and I have no idea why. It's the kind of name some aging drag queen would give her Pekinese. "Legend, come to Mummy!" Jacinda calls. As soon as she takes him home, Legend poops on the floor...on camera. Jacinda sees the poop in progress, and instead of going over and hitting Legend, or at least making a loud noise to begin the housebreaking process, she leaves Legend to do his thing and wanders around the house shouting for Paul to come and "help" her. So much for "Jacinda the independent lady." (Oh God, I don't think I can handle watching the rest of this episode. My Pomeranian, Benjamin, was obviously owned by someone like Jacinda before I adopted him from a pet shelter -- someone who had no idea what they were getting into before they bought a dog. I learned later that he'd been in seven homes before I ended up with him and no one had been able to housetrain him. I did a pretty good job, but he still has accidents from time to time.) "I think it's going to be a very spoiled dog," Lars voice-overs as Legend runs up the stairs and visits Sharon in her room. Sharon is all, "Oh my God!" But soon even Legend gets over Sharon and he's out of there.

The dog is adorable. It really does take to everyone in the house and has these sweet little gestures. Then there's this really funny moment when Mike comes home and Lars tells him they have a dog. "Fabulous," says Mike in this uncharacteristically dry yet bitter tone, like he's a forty-year-old gay man. ["Maybe Legend just freed Mike's inner forty-year-old gay man." -- Wing Chun] Mike stomps off to his room. We see Chrys holding up the dog in front of Neil, who isn't having any of it. 'Cause, you know, resisting the charms of a puppy is so punk rock! Neil's all, "Get it away." In an interview, Neil opines that Jacinda isn't training the dog at all: "She doesn't do anything to train the dog except saying, 'Hallo Doggie!' and congratulating it when it [bleep] somewhere near a newspaper." Wait! Since when can Neil speak again? I mean, Paul just got here and Jacinda introduced Neil to him as the one who can't speak, and now he's speaking a few days later? ["B/M continuity: catch the fever!" -- Wing Chun] We then see Jacinda picking a lot of poop off the floor while, in an interview, Jay expresses his doubts about the dog.

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Real World




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