Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | 249 USERS: C+
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True Colors

Outside. Johanna cries. Lacey tells us how much she'll miss Johanna, and that she considers her the one friend she made here. They were close? Really? We sure missed that. Johanna cries some more, feeling guilty that she didn't pan out to be the sluttish alcoholic train wreck she promised to become in the beginning. Bitch. Lacey and Ryan roll away into a very content, bitchy, happily-sexless life, where they will soon continue the process of morphing into the same person, only one can walk and the other wears too much lipstick. But by that point, it'll be hard to tell which is which.

Four left. Lord.

Inside. Johanna and Wes cuddle. America vomits. Wes tells us that he and Johanna have been getting close lately. As his cab appears, he tells us he's leaving with a "crush." Outside. Hugging Wes. Johanna talks about Wes as her "buddy," adding that they had a lot of fun. Wes breaks it down for us, camera-ghosting for the last time that he's no longer part of a group called "Seven Strangers." But rather he's now part of a group called -- are you ready? -- "Seven People That Have Gone Through Something That No One Else Has." There's the title your book, Wes! And also: "No One," unless you count the over a hundred other past cast members. Wes makes a pasty schmoo face, and the cab pulls away, taking with it so much Hate! that it has to be a record. It's so sad that Wes dies when he's twenty-four. Oh, what? You didn't know that? Sorry to ruin the ending for you. But yeah, he does. And, like the boy himself, it ain't pretty.

Danny cuddles on the couch with Mel on one side of him and Johanna on the other. Okay, finally an episode I'd like to see! But alas, Johanna's cab arrives. Johanna tells us she's very sad, and she and Mel joke and hug and talk about something but neither I nor the captioners can catch it. Nor do any of us care to try. Johanna camera-cries about missing her roommates. Her cab rolls off. I just hope that, whatever show she's on next, she works a little harder on that whole drunk whore thing. Because seriously: disappointment.

Real World

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