Cut to the interior of a taxi, where Montana and a significantly younger man of indeterminate age (Son? House boy? Twelve-step director?) pull up to Penn Station as a somber ballad rings in the bitter, northeastern air. Walking through the train station, Montana tells her pock-plagued boyfriend "Vaj" that he shouldn't be sad when she leaves, and Vaj curiously observes that "there's a difference between being sad and depressed," failing to specify which one he'll be, if either. He's yucky. His face is rather like being trapped inside a color close-up out of my high school astronomy textbook, and curing this deformity would be more than one small step for a board-certified dermatologist. Dour moments ensue as Montana's voice over clues us in to their relationship: "Me and Vaj have been together for almost two years. We were scared that the relationship wasn't going to make it." As May/December romances so infrequently do, I suppose. Montana would feel better if she knew that Vaj was going to survive in her absence. He responds in that I-so-know-I'm-on-TV kind of way, and it takes barely one full iteration of "Oh, believe you, me" for me to solidify my problematic relationship with Vaj. My problem, of course, being that he's procured almost twenty full seconds of screen time and has not, as of yet, been eaten by a horde of large, angry bears. I do not like Vaj. And I'm trying to cultivate a bit of respect for Montana here, but it's tough to form that instant TV bond with someone who would describe her taste in men as "surface of the moon."
I also do not like Sean. And those issues are sure to run even deeper because I think that that train to Boston is actually planning to depart with him on it. Can't say I'm in full support of that idea right there. Sean's first voice over clues us immediately into his wha?-tastic character, whose only drawback is a total inability to make sense about anything he says concerning anything ever. To wit: "I'm meeting this person named Montana under the Amtrak big board, so I'm thinking it's going to be some kind of rustic Montana dude." Oh... eh? Um, say Sean? Why don't you just look for the person, gender notwithstanding, with all the cameras pointing to her? This might be a good place to begin the search, Sean. We come to learn that Sean is from Minnesota. And while I'm sure that we can all remember that fleeting cultural moment (the tail end of which coincided with the original airing of this episode, or thereabouts) which came as part of the Fargo fallout, during which it was completely acceptable to harp the mid-western accent perfected by Frances McDormand and could inspire instant hilarity by simply offering to "make you some eggs" or asking if "you had sex with the little fella," this inflection does not serve Sean well when employed on a full-time basis. He's the kind of person who would get off the train in Boston and walk around for less than five seconds before too-loudly proclaiming, "I can't believe how dumb the accents are here, ya know." Montana introduces Sean to Vaj, and Sean loudly and almost disbelievably repeats, "Vaj?" practically turning around and announcing this unheard of moniker to the entire train station as if he'd just been introduced to someone named Farty Fartolious. Yeah, Sean, it's a dumb name. It sounds like an eighth grader's slang for a woman's private parts in the porno he found underneath his older brother's mattress. Now leave it alone and step away. He'll be stuck with it for a lot longer than you will. Man, this isn't going well at all.