How freakin' long is this train ride, anyway? Can't you see the New York and Boston skylines, like, from each other? It must just feel interminable to poor Montana, who I am beginning to like more and more based on my staunch belief that pity, in fact, can be a very underrated method of garnering attention. Back on the Amtrak to Nowhere, Sean asks Montana if she and Vaj will get married. Montana confides that they have agreed to see other people while she's in Boston, paradoxically because "we really want the relationship to work, and we just know it's hard to be apart for five months." Practically reaching for his belt buckle and keeping the location of the closest lavatory firmly in check (oooh! His glasses are off. This must be Sean's alter ego. Y'know, the one with sexual superpowers), Sean slimes closer to Montana's seat, sits at attention (ew, not like that), and inquires, "So do you think you'll have sex with someone in the next five months?" Taking absolutely no pains to add "Socially Acceptable" to my relatively static list of Nice Things You Can Say About Montana Without Giggling Helplessly, she heads him right off at the pass with the airtight, segue-be-damned comeback, "I wouldn't want to date any of my roommates, because that would just be too complicated." Sean wonders what would happen if Montana thought that someone in the house was, like, "awesome, man." Gee, Sean. Whoever could you mean, I wonder? Someone physically desirable, perhaps? Oh, or you. Some of us must have missed your subtle material. Thank God at least Montana was paying attention. Thank God for us all.
Back in the house, Polaroid hijnks continue. As per the producer's request (er, I mean, "because the normal flow of conversation dictates it is so"), Syrus asks Genesis, "where's the man at [sic]?" It's a woman. She's this season's alternative lifestyle template. Huzzah. Syrus thinks he is reacting even slightly within the bounds of societal propriety in responding, "That's hot," as if her alternative lifestyle exists exclusively for the benefit of fulfilling a current void in his fantasy life. At least he didn't offer to "straighten her out." Jason takes pains to utter some proto-tolerant sociology he culled from the books-on-tape version of Facile Liberal Rhetoric for Dummies about gay marriages and Hawaii. Fascinating. Maybe he'll do a follow-up book report on the matter and decide "to journal" all about it for the betterment of us all.
Back in the van carrying Elka and Kameelah, the driver pulls up to the house and Kameelah admits that her stomach hurts because she's nervous. I'm glad someone decided to admit that they were nervous. Cue ska-in-decline horns fun times as Elka and Kameelah look around the house. Elka pulls up a shade in one of the upstairs rooms and comments, "I'm in Boston" in a way that makes me feel like she's simultaneously hyper-aware of the presence of cameras and experiencing stage-fright to the point of wetting herself. A deadly combination, for sure. Downstairs, Jason worries that Elka is a clean freak and then takes some more Polaroids. Kameelah has a run-in with public displays of alcohol consumption by many members of the house and announces loudly that she does not drink. Ever. At all. Jason and Genesis take refuge in another room to cattily bitch about Kameelah not "being cool" about this whole drinking thing, and Genesis takes another moment to worry that the girls won't accept her for being gay. They're nice, she thinks, but they're not... And Jason takes the opportunity to trump all over her issues and finish her sentence for her, "down with the thing." Which is, if possible, exactly the words she was NOT going to use, I am sure.