Cue amazingly pointless montage of Elka on the phone with so-called "Walter," in which they repeatedly call each other "babe." In a confessional, Elka wonders whether or not he'll come visit. And, back on the phone, they love each other, but he doesn't think it will be possible for him to come see her in Boston. Later that night, Sean tells Elka that if she met someone during her six months in Boston, she would find it a far more satisfying emotional experience than, y'know, making someone up. Elka tells Sean that she will never let Walter go, and then back in a confessional, she's all sincere when she says, "Something inside of me tells me that this feels so right." That is cute and sad. But she truly believes that she and Walter are meant to be together forever and ever and ever. Because the poster never lies. ["Apparently they're still together. I'm just saying." -- Wing Chun]
Montana sits on the house's one phone, wearing a tight silver blouse and lipstick so clowny and bright that I experience more than a moment of that "oh, wait" feeling I got during All About My Mother when you realize that all of the women are men. Which, for me, was in the last five minutes of the movie, but whatever. Montana has latched onto her new fake reason to be mad at Vaj, and laces into him with this unsurprising barrage: "It's all about work...You should get your ass up here on Valentine's Day!" He offers to come up, and she tells him it's too late now, seeing as she already has plans. Vaj snarkily requests, "Do me a favor. Just try to purify yourself for me a little before I get up there," and the eight-year-old in me rises up and cries out, "Why would I need to take a bath when I'm only going to get dirty again?" 'Cause Vaj, man. Dirty dirty dirty. ["Yeah, he has a lot of nerve asking her to purify himself when he's the freaking surface of the moon." -- Wing Chun]
And over in Montana and Elka's room, Montana attests, "Of the people who have serious relationships in the house, [mine] is the most honest. Because they want to be seeing other people, and they won't cop to it." Except for Jason, who broke up with his girlfriend. And Genesis, who broke up with her girlfriend. And Kameelah, who is single. And Sean, who has been faithful. And Syrus, who I don't think lives there anymore. And Elka, who is once again being ignored. Elka begins to laugh at this sentiment, and Montana catches herself and insists, "I'm sorry, Elka. Your relationship with Walter counts." Wow, Montana, thank you so much for legitimizing that for her. Teach you to taunt the poster. Elka tells Montana that she doesn't consider Matt particularly good looking, elaborating, "His head is a weird shape. Like, it's very eggy, up here, like an egg. And then it's, like, flat." Cut to Matt and Montana's Valentine's date, where she and Matt -- damn, that girl was spot on. Disgusting montage of Montana and Egg McForehead cooing for the cameras over dinner.