Real World
The One You've Been Waiting For

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Jessica: D | 1 USERS: A+
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The One You've Been Waiting For

Okay, y'all. Get ready. This is the ultimate episode of this season of The Real World. The infamous "rape" episode. So many histrionics, so much screaming and yelling, so much Jessica Wakefield-esque posturing from the loathsome Beth.

Enjoy.

Outside the Beachhouse of Banality, it rains. Yes, it does, occasionally, rain in Southern California. When it does, locals take the opportunity to drive ten to fifteen miles faster than usual and generally make clever commentary to one another about the weather; namely, "Dude, it's raining."

There is tension in the house. This according to Jon, who has nicely curled his bangs underneath his black cowboy hat. He's like a pretty little girl.

In the confessional, Tami solemnly says, "At first, it started out a playful type thing, when everyone was joking." You know she's serious because her earrings are absolutely still.

So, the evening in question, Irene and Tami leave the boys in the kitchen, and go to bed. Goodnights are said. David, in an interview, sets the scene: The boys are in the kitchen, the girls are upstairs. Gotcha. I didn't grasp that when I saw Irene and Tami climbing the stairs to the second storey of the house. The funny thing about this interview is that David keeps calling Dom "Dominique." Tee hee. Dominique is a girl's name. And I am seven years old. Sorry.

In the kitchen, the boys scheme to take over the girls' room after Irene gets married and leaves the house; it's way bigger, and the four of them could totally, like, kick it together, and shit, dude! Jon chortles as "Dominque" lays out the master plan: While all the girls are still at Irene's wedding, the boys will sneak back into the house and switch the rooms surreptitiously! ["Didn't I see that on Friends once?" -- Wing Chun] Aaron muses that Irene's wedding will be "an insane party," and I think he's under the impression that she's having the reception at his frat house. Mid-scheming, Dom contemplatively looks down at the counter and comments that he, too, loves a good wedding. I think he means that he loves the open bar at a good wedding, but whatever. Aaron predicts that when the girls return from the wedding to find they've been moved out of their room by the boys, "Tami will go ballistic." Yes. Yes, she will. And sooner than you suspect.

The boys think they're so smart. But, sadly for them, Tami has been watching them this entire time on the monitor in the upstairs hallway. As she and Irene go all Big Brother on their housemates, Aaron comments that he really doesn't want Tami to "go all Norman Bates" on him when she finds out they've pulled the old switcheroo. At this point, Tami uses the house's intercom to tell the boys that she's been "watching [their] asses on the monitor." The boys bust a gut laughing, but Tami is not amused. She comes barreling into the kitchen, smacking the poor defenseless guy holding the boom mike out of the way with one hand, and -- I have freeze frame on my VCR -- screwing up the entire B/M fourth wall by positioning herself in front of three -- count 'em! -- cameramen. While the cameramen scramble to get out of the shot, Tami tells the boys that she doesn't appreciate their plotting behind her back. She points threateningly at David, who swears that none of it was his idea. He, Aaron and Dom try to blame the entire scheme on Jon, but Tami is not that naïve. She stomps back to her room. I notice she's put in very small hoop earrings, which must be her pajama ear wear. The boys titter behind her back. Aaron does some kind of bizarre hip-hop homeboy-as-interpreted-by-Lamda-Chi finger-pointing dance.

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