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The Polish Voice of Cleveland?

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The Polish Voice of Cleveland?

Jon tells us that Beth's mom -- who apparently has no name -- was horrified by the state of the beach house. Then she cleaned the entire thing. My mother would have just yelled at me for being a disgusting slob and then shot me disappointed looks for the rest of my life. Beth's mom then cooks for the whole house, another thing my mother wouldn't have done. I love my mother -- don't get me wrong -- and she is a wonderful cook, and she entertains all the time. But there is no way she'd come visit me and then decide to cook a whole big dinner for a bunch of slobs, especially if they treated me the way those people treat Beth. Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for her; I don't know, it's the end of the summer and I'm getting soft or something. This entire moment reminds me of the time my roommate Jen's parents came to visit us, over a weekend, and I woke up around 11 on Saturday morning, and her mother had cleaned our entire apartment from stem to stern while I slept. It was like the Cleaning Fairy had visited over night. It was the greatest morning of my life. As they sit down to eat, Glenn a.k.a. "Mr. Sensitivity" wonders whether he's allowed to make Polish jokes in front of the Polish Voice of Cleveland. And Beth's mom fully shuts him down. "You want dessert?" she asks, cocking a brow, and acting like she'd be more than happy to take said dessert and dump it over his head. I'm in love with Beth's mom.

Next, Beth, her mom, and Jon go to down to C & O, this Italian place on Washington Avenue in Marina del Rey that has great garlic rolls. And self-serve wine! Anyway, they eat, and Jon asks Beth's mom whether she misses Beth. She doesn't, she says, because she's too busy. As Jon watches, horrified at what he's started, Beth and her mother bicker about not doing anything together when Beth is around, never mind when she's halfway across the country. Beth whines that she would like to do more things with her mother. Beth's mom replies they don't do things together because they don't enjoy the same activities. Beth tells the camera that her mother blows her off in favor of work all the time, even on Christmas. On Christmas, people! Back at the restaurant, Beth's mom explains that she's simply very, very busy. "Someone has to make money to pay for all your high-class evenings," she says, like Beth has a habit of going out and plowing through cases of Cristal and blow, with a couple of pricey call girls. "Now, you don't have father, so everything falls on mother," she guilt-trips. Jon fervently wishes to himself that he never brought any of this up. Everyone looks off into the air.

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